Epiphany

I used to make a checklist of things to do whenever I take my annual leave. This include : reading a book by the beach or the Botanical Gardens, doing my shopping for the latest clothes/books etc. However, I always end up staying at home to be the playmate for my 2 yr old niece. : (

After having done that a few times in early 2007, I hesitated & wondered why my precious leave was spent so unproductively. I wanted to do many things & yet nothing was accomplished. I seem to be wasting time with her, playing some childish games that she likes to amuse herself. (e.g. pretending that we are driving to a goat farm, cooking some hamburgers/hot dogs for her stuff toys). Yes…what is a 34 yr old uncle like me doing? I really think I got to put a stop to all this silly, wasted…

But then, ...wait a minute! If there’s anything that I learn from this experience, it will be the realization that I am not really far away from the behaviour of a child. Though my niece would long for my companionship (here & now), I’m pretty sure she’ll grow up one day, forgetting this play time that we spent together. And in many ways, haven’t I already forgotten the many beautiful moments that I spent with my loving Father? Like a child, I will never be able to fully “repay” the moments spent together.

God is constantly “wasting” His time with me. Like the Prodigal (aka lavish) Father, He’s eager for my company. Just as it didn’t matter to me that my niece should recall the times we had together.. God only asks that I enjoy the moment – Being together WITH HIM. He does not ask that I repay Him nor comprehend what all this may mean. It’s a gift that I can only accept & savour. It’s too great a gift for me to understand it’s immense sacrifice & mystery. Perhaps, this is what the Epiphany is all about. What did the magi see in this vulnerable baby Jesus for them to pay him homage as the King of the Jews? Was it blind faith, or divine wisdom that allowed them to see Him beyond the guise of a child?

It’s ironic how a child would cling onto you in their early years, only to crave for independence in their adolescence. In so many ways, so has my spiritual journey been. In the beginning, I crave for His presence & loving touch. But once things begin to go my way, I seem to forget about Him & to start craving for my own independence. Like the 3 Magi, I need this epiphany every now & then. To know & accept that i will forever be a child in the eyes of my loving Father.

PS : This entry is dedicated to my little newphew, Brandon on his baptism on the feastday of the Epiphany (6 Jan 2008). May you grow in the wisdom & love of our Lord Jesus. May you always remain like a child before the presence of our Loving Father.

My Blessing Cup

2 of the most popular questions which you cannot avoid during this festive season are :
1) How was your Christmas/New Year?
2) So, how did you spend your Christmas/New Year?

And the taboo is to mention that you spend it at home. This answer will surely evoke a frown on the other party's face, esp. if you are single without kids.

But to be honest, this is the first time that i'm spending both my Christmas & New Year at home since my early childhood/teens. I think age must be catching up cos i didn't feel like a loser. In fact, i totally enjoy this precious time by myself, for myself! For me, the last memorable New Year that i spent was about 2 years back when we did a P&W (led by Angel & Matt) at one of my friend's (Mervin Prakash) place. We paused & reflected on what we wanted to thank God for & then continue the countdown with a P&W.

I think I have been so used to rushing through the year that I often forget to pause & reflect about what has happened. Where was God in my life? Before I bid farewell to 2007, I wanted to recall 10 things which I wanted to thank the Lord. um... but this is quite a struggle (this is an obvious indication of my unreflected life). So, let me try :

1) Serangoon Youth District Rally in Feb (for meeting all the wonderful & capable youths in the serangoon district who have put together this wonderful & evangelical rally. It was a miracle to see all our youths united in the serangoon district)
2) The birth of my nephew, Brandon in Mar - the latest addition in the family (who has brought along so much joy!)
3) Opportunity to make a pilgrimage to Israel in Mar (I was able to journey with wonderful people from the Church of IHM in the footsteps of Christ)
4) Finding a nice occupant to rent out my old house (although it was slightly below market rate) Thank God for the arrangement. Everything just happened so quickly. We found a tenant within 1 month & had to move out all our things within the same timing!
5) The grace to meet my spiritual director - Fr. Vince Hurley for a 30 week Ignatian retreat to build up my prayer life
6) The opportunity to relinquish my role as Adult Advisor in Zion's Joy group. Since then, I think it was a humbling period for me to steer away from session (and becoming proud) and to build up on my spiritual life instead
7) The friendship of my great friend, the late Colin Kang. Thank you for teaching me on what living life to the fullest meant & for making a difference even in your workplace, family & church
8) All the nice colleagues at work, which make the work place a bearable place to be in and one that permits work-life balance
9) The grace to be able to attend many wonderful sessions organized by SPI & ACCS (3 GOD sessions, Kingdom of God, Leviticus/Bk of Numbers, Retreat by SACCRE)
10) The many people in IHM YM, esp those in ZJ, whom I have worked with. You people are SAINTS! I wonder how you were able to be so patient with me despite my many faults.

Lord, thank you for the abundant blessing that you have showered upon me in 2007 (they are more than I could ever know or remember). Not all experiences have resulted in joy, but each one allows me to see you working more clearly in my life. With this, I am confident that I can entrust my 2008 to you. Allow me, Lord, to be excited about what you will do in my life (for me). Give me the grace to be faithful & to co-operate with you.

So, goodbye 2007 & Welcome 2008!

How to Choose a Gift?

On Christmas this year, we had a new domestic helper who joined us 3 months back. We arranged for her to make a call back home in the Philippines to enquire about the well-being of her family. But to our dismay, the call only brought back sad response as she listened to the heart-wrenching words of her child (2-yr-old son) – pining for his mother to be with him.

This is something which I can empathize. It’s not an easy choice for my domestic helper. It’s a tough choice of providing for what her family wants vs what her family needs. Her children wanted their mother to be with them this Christmas but they also needed the financial support, which drove her to Singapore for work. And sometimes this line is not very clear. Perhaps, her children also equally needed her motherly love. But I’m quite clear that she has answered the call to, what she must have thought, was the needs of her family. She must have struggled in her choice before she made the decision to come to Singapore.

Just few days back, I faced a similar (and perhaps less serious) scenario. I have to decide on what to get for my Godson as a Christmas gift. I’m tempted to get him a nice tee which I spotted from Celio vs a 12 month subscription of Catholic Digest (oh boy!), which I hope will help put him back in his spiritual footing. Clearly, the tee (which I really liked a lot), would have put me in a more appreciated & remembered role as the giver vs a boring reading gift which requires efforts on the part of the recipient. Sigh…it’s such a dilemma. It would have also been easier on my part to shop for the tee, since I was in town the other day. I could pay off instantly & leave the shop with the gift OR I would have to write a cheque and find a postage stamp to post off the subscription. But at the end of the day, I think the gift betrays the intention of the giver. Does the gift throw back the focus on the giver or the recipient? Is it about my popularity or about my godson?

Few thousand years ago, our Lord Jesus was once thought as the liberator, the awaited Messiah who was to deliver the Jewish people. At the peak of his popularity, they wanted to make Him King to overthrow the Roman empire. I’m sure our Lord must have been tempted too. In all 3 classic temptations of our Lord, prior to the start of His ministry, the devil presents a shortcut to redeeming the world. All 3 would have fulfilled the goal of our Saviour but done in the way of the Devil. They would definitely have been a less painful path for our Lord. Yet, our Lord chose the road less traveled and made the choice to carry His cross. If not for Him, I would not have known the way to live, love, to suffer & eventually die. He has shown us the Way, the Truth & the Life. And it’s all that made the difference. His birth could have been in a palace but He chose to be born, rejected in a cold manger. In His lifetime, our Lord lived & ministered among His people, especially among the poor. He came to give hope & love to His people. He came to give what was needed, and not what was wanted.

"Thank you Lord, for all the choices that you made. 'Cos each choice that you took along the way, you only thought of us - the recipient."

So, the next time that you are about to get a gift for someone, do stop & question. Do they really need this?

ROAD LESS TRAVELED

Two roads diverged in a yellow wood
And sorry I could not travel both
And be one traveler, long I stood
And looked down one as far as I could
To where it bent in the undergrowth

Then took the other as just as fair
And having perhaps the better claim
Because it was grassy and wanted wear
Though as for that, the passing there
Had worn them really about the same

And both that morning equally lay
In leaves no step had trodden black
Oh, I kept the first for another day!
Yet, knowing how way leads onto way
I doubted if I should ever come back

I shall be telling this with a sigh
Somewhere ages and ages hence
Two roads diverged in a wood
And I took the one less traveled by
And that has made all the difference.

Robert Frost, The Road Not Taken
US poet (1874 - 1963)