Sunday, April 27, 2008

On Being Unique

Would you ever want to look, think or behave exactly like someone else? Well, even twins will shirk at this remote idea.

A chat over dinner with one of my colleagues (who happened to have a twin sister), revealed this surprising finding. She continued to lash at those who mistook her for her sister. From the conversation, I could sense her strong desire to want to differentiate herself.

And I can totally empathize her for feeling that way. Isn’t that one of the reasons why people protest against human cloning? We are made unique – each & every one of us. There’s no one in this world who could ever replace me or anyone else for that matter. Yet, with this beauty of being unique, also comes one’s fair share of pain & suffering. Being unique is a double-edged sword. Just as we are unique, it also brings along the difficulty & pain of understanding one another. The way we think, behave & love is different. Strangely so, but this is also the reason why we have so many psychological models & theories to try explain or grasp the human mentality & behaviour. Yet, till date, there has never been a complete or proven model that works consistently. So, the next time that you want to lament at God, for a broken relationship or hurtful insult from someone close to you, then what you are really demanding from Him : is to take away this special gift of being unique. Because this is essentially the price we all pay for being unique. And this is something that we are still coming to terms with. That we can NEVER change someone to be like us - to reciprocate what we gave or to accommodate us.

But God does not allow the same thing that happened in the Tower of Babel to repeat in us. As such, He sent us himself – Jesus. Jesus came to unite us. He becomes the answer :
1) The Life : That love can be the common DNA/chromosome that we all share despite our uniqueness.
2) The Way : That despite our uniqueness, help is on the way. A formula has been derived. We only need to follow it. We can all grow closer (similar) to one another as we model after a common personality – that of Jesus Christ. Jesus Himself also strive to be like the Father throughout His entire life. He lives out the will of the Father. And He clearly says so in John 14 v 9 : “He who has seen me has seen the Father”
3) The Truth : It CAN be done. God Himself took the initiative. He does not need to CHANGE us : to get us to reciprocate or to accomodate Him. If anything, we ourselves must & want to do so. The response must come from us. It is US who wants to change.

O Divine Master, grant that I may not so much seek to be consoled as to console; to be understood as to understand; to be loved as to love.
~ Prayer of Saint Francis of Assisi

Monday, April 21, 2008

Free Upgrades

My colleague & I are fans of stand-up comedies & local musical. It happened that during one of these evening, we decided to catch a local comedy play. Not wanting to fork out too much money, we settled on 2x mid-range (2nd lowest) tickets. We went in early & settled down on our seats. Not long after, the ushers came by to our seats & told us to move to the front as the theatre is not full that evening. Wow! What a pleasant surprise for both of us! Things like this certainly do not happen often. After a hard day’s work, this is just what we need to end off the day – an unexpected sweet little treat!

This incident reminds me about the passage in Lk 14 v 7 – 11 (On choosing places at table). In that passage, Jesus advices us – to make our way to the lowest place and sit there. For everyone who raises himself up will be humbled, and the one who humbles himself will be raised up. I always thought of humility as just moving away from limelight, shrugging off any possible credit that may come my way. However, I’ve also heard people who said that not owning up to the credit that is due to us is but false humility. What we are really trying to do is to fuel the other party to hurl in more praises at us, to convince us (& perhaps others around us) that we truly deserve the praise & credit. That is what we want to hear (more) and so we pretend to fend off these praises, in the noble guise of humility. And indeed over the years, I sometimes (& still do) find it difficult to distinguish between true & false humility within myself.

The unexpected incident that night, threw some light for me to understand about humility. My friend & I have bought the lower priced tickets. We were prepared to forego the close-up look of the actors. Yup, we knew we will not be able to zoom in on the pimples in their faces. We were prepared to squirm our failing eyes the entire night. This is what we paid for & are prepared to go through. We knew where we were supposed to be seated – three rows from the back.

What resulted instead is totally (1) unexpected, (2) uncalled for & (3) undeserving. What strike me was that true humility is about knowing my place – where I stand & what I deserve. It is not about denying my talents & gifts, nor rejecting credit/praises (if they are truly due). And yet it is also a fine balance about rejecting them when they go beyond what is totally true or deserving for me. Each night before I fall asleep, I cannot help but to notice the many “free upgrades” that I encounter throughout the day. From the beauty of creation in the morning, to the kindness shown at work and finally to the extra love & care at home, they are all indeed unexpected, uncalled for & undeserving.

Humility is an attitude of honesty toward all reality. It is not self-depreciation, which is a neurotic tendency, but the truth. It is the conviction of being created out of nothing and of being gratuitously redeemed. Those are the two theological principles on which true humility, in the Christian sense, is based.

~ Heart of the World by Fr. Thomas Keating