Monday, December 31, 2007

My Blessing Cup


2 of the most popular questions which you cannot avoid during this festive season are :
1) How was your Christmas/New Year?
2) So, how did you spend your Christmas/New Year?

And the taboo is to mention that you spend it at home. This answer will surely evoke a frown on the other party's face, esp. if you are single without kids.

But to be honest, this is the first time that i'm spending both my Christmas & New Year at home since my early childhood/teens. I think age must be catching up cos i didn't feel like a loser. In fact, i totally enjoy this precious time by myself, for myself! For me, the last memorable New Year that i spent was about 2 years back when we did a P&W (led by Angel & Matt) at one of my friend's (Mervin Prakash) place. We paused & reflected on what we wanted to thank God for & then continue the countdown with a P&W.

I think I have been so used to rushing through the year that I often forget to pause & reflect about what has happened. Where was God in my life? Before I bid farewell to 2007, I wanted to recall 10 things which I wanted to thank the Lord. um... but this is quite a struggle (this is an obvious indication of my unreflected life). So, let me try :

1) Serangoon Youth District Rally in Feb (for meeting all the wonderful & capable youths in the serangoon district who have put together this wonderful & evangelical rally. It was a miracle to see all our youths united in the serangoon district)
2) The birth of my nephew, Brandon in Mar - the latest addition in the family (who has brought along so much joy!)
3) Opportunity to make a pilgrimage to Israel in Mar (I was able to journey with wonderful people from the Church of IHM in the footsteps of Christ)
4) Finding a nice occupant to rent out my old house (although it was slightly below market rate) Thank God for the arrangement. Everything just happened so quickly. We found a tenant within 1 month & had to move out all our things within the same timing!
5) The grace to meet my spiritual director - Fr. Vince Hurley for a 30 week Ignatian retreat to build up my prayer life
6) The opportunity to relinquish my role as Adult Advisor in Zion's Joy group. Since then, I think it was a humbling period for me to steer away from session (and becoming proud) and to build up on my spiritual life instead
7) The friendship of my great friend, the late Colin Kang. Thank you for teaching me on what living life to the fullest meant & for making a difference even in your workplace, family & church
8) All the nice colleagues at work, which make the work place a bearable place to be in and one that permits work-life balance
9) The grace to be able to attend many wonderful sessions organized by SPI & ACCS (3 GOD sessions, Kingdom of God, Leviticus/Bk of Numbers, Retreat by SACCRE)
10) The many people in IHM YM, esp those in ZJ, whom I have worked with. You people are SAINTS! I wonder how you were able to be so patient with me despite my many faults.

Lord, thank you for the abundant blessing that you have showered upon me in 2007 (they are more than I could ever know or remember). Not all experiences have resulted in joy, but each one allows me to see you working more clearly in my life. With this, I am confident that I can entrust my 2008 to you. Allow me, Lord, to be excited about what you will do in my life (for me). Give me the grace to be faithful & to co-operate with you.

So, goodbye 2007 & Welcome 2008!

Saturday, December 29, 2007

How to Choose a Gift?

On Christmas this year, we had a new domestic helper who joined us 3 months back. We arranged for her to make a call back home in the Philippines to enquire about the well-being of her family. But to our dismay, the call only brought back sad response as she listened to the heart-wrenching words of her child (2-yr-old son) – pining for his mother to be with him.

This is something which I can empathize. It’s not an easy choice for my domestic helper. It’s a tough choice of providing for what her family wants vs what her family needs. Her children wanted their mother to be with them this Christmas but they also needed the financial support, which drove her to Singapore for work. And sometimes this line is not very clear. Perhaps, her children also equally needed her motherly love. But I’m quite clear that she has answered the call to, what she must have thought, was the needs of her family. She must have struggled in her choice before she made the decision to come to Singapore.

Just few days back, I faced a similar (and perhaps less serious) scenario. I have to decide on what to get for my Godson as a Christmas gift. I’m tempted to get him a nice tee which I spotted from Celio vs a 12 month subscription of Catholic Digest (oh boy!), which I hope will help put him back in his spiritual footing. Clearly, the tee (which I really liked a lot), would have put me in a more appreciated & remembered role as the giver vs a boring reading gift which requires efforts on the part of the recipient. Sigh…it’s such a dilemma. It would have also been easier on my part to shop for the tee, since I was in town the other day. I could pay off instantly & leave the shop with the gift OR I would have to write a cheque and find a postage stamp to post off the subscription. But at the end of the day, I think the gift betrays the intention of the giver. Does the gift throw back the focus on the giver or the recipient? Is it about my popularity or about my godson?

Few thousand years ago, our Lord Jesus was once thought as the liberator, the awaited Messiah who was to deliver the Jewish people. At the peak of his popularity, they wanted to make Him King to overthrow the Roman empire. I’m sure our Lord must have been tempted too. In all 3 classic temptations of our Lord, prior to the start of His ministry, the devil presents a shortcut to redeeming the world. All 3 would have fulfilled the goal of our Saviour but done in the way of the Devil. They would definitely have been a less painful path for our Lord. Yet, our Lord chose the road less traveled and made the choice to carry His cross. If not for Him, I would not have known the way to live, love, to suffer & eventually die. He has shown us the Way, the Truth & the Life. And it’s all that made the difference. His birth could have been in a palace but He chose to be born, rejected in a cold manger. In His lifetime, our Lord lived & ministered among His people, especially among the poor. He came to give hope & love to His people. He came to give what was needed, and not what was wanted.

"Thank you Lord, for all the choices that you made. 'Cos each choice that you took along the way, you only thought of us - the recipient."

So, the next time that you are about to get a gift for someone, do stop & question. Do they really need this?


ROAD LESS TRAVELED

Two roads diverged in a yellow wood
And sorry I could not travel both
And be one traveler, long I stood
And looked down one as far as I could
To where it bent in the undergrowth

Then took the other as just as fair
And having perhaps the better claim

Because it was grassy and wanted wear

Though as for that, the passing there

Had worn them really about the same


And both that morning equally lay
In leaves no step had trodden black

Oh, I kept the first for another day!

Yet, knowing how way leads onto way

I doubted if I should ever come back


I shall be telling this with a sigh
Somewhere ages and ages hence

Two roads diverged in a wood
And I took the one less traveled by

And that has made all the difference.


Robert Frost, The Road Not Taken
US poet (1874 - 1963)

Saturday, December 22, 2007

The Christmas Gift


I thought long & hard about what I should get for my Lord this Christmas. Somehow this thought kept me up for a few hours recently. I thought about how I should make this Christmas different from my previous years.

a)should I donate to the poor, the one busking/begging on the streets?
b)Or reach out to those who have strayed away or become inactive Catholics?
c)Perhaps I can share my faith with a non-Catholic this Christmas & get someone to join
RCIA/RCIY?

The list goes on about the many possibilities. It’s almost like counting sheep. Only thing is that this kept me wide awake rather than help me fall asleep! And then, a soft prompting suddenly came upon me about the origin & purpose of Christmas. The focus is not so much about the Lord, as it is about ME.

I am the purpose why He’s even here in the first place. I am the reason for his birth, his life, death & resurrection. His birth is but only a reminder of what He has started & is continuing to do in my life. Everything about God is first & foremost about ME.

What resulted next is this sudden appreciation (no pun intended) of myself & of my worth in the eyes of God. I felt loved & precious. Even though there’s much focus on the spiritual prep of oneself (in this period of Advent) on the coming of Christ, but I think I need to focus first & foremost on that fundamental motive – that i'm loved, not forgotten.

Yes, I have heard it preached so many times. But there’s no other way to package this Christmas gift. It’s as simple & truthful as it can get. Nothing fanciful. Some 2000 yrs ago, as the world is in slumber, a miracle happened in the ordinariness of the night. This year, I plan to sit by my balcony on Christmas night, sipping my cup of hot chocolate and reflecting on this taken-for-granted & yet miraculous truth. Perhaps I need to strip away the din of the merry-making + all the packaging and to focus on the ordinariness and unnoticed CHRISTMAS GIFT that has been with me all this while. Maybe then, I will be able to hear the affirming voice that once said:

Since I regard you as precious, since you are honoured and I love you, I therefore give people (including Jesus) in exchange for you, and nations in return for your life.” ~ Isaiah 43:4

Oh…and my gift for the King? I guess, nothing delights the giver more than a deep appreciation from the recipient. There is nothing that my small little gift could come close to this tremendous treasure that He has given. Yes, the focus has shifted from my gift to THE GIFT that Christ has given me.

I could only bow down & pay my homage in this "silent night" to come. “Thank you, Lord for coming down to me. May our encounter enable me & the magi, to take a different route home. May we be, never the same again."


"What can we give that You have not given
What do we have that is not already Yours
All we possess are these lives we're living
And that's what we give to You Lord"

~ Bridge, from the song "I Offer My Life"

Monday, December 10, 2007

The Meaning of Death





One of the proposed passages that I chose for Colin's funeral mass was the one in John's Gospel (Chap 12) : "unless a wheat grain falls on the ground and dies, it remains only a single grain; but if it dies, it yields a rich harvest." (hope he liked it!)



But the mind boggling question that arise from this line is : So, when does death start to give meaning?

a) is it measured by the turn-out at funeral wake/mass?
b) does it depend on our memories/encounters with the deceased?
c) or only when it becomes a reminder for us to treasure the loved ones around us?

But then again, haven't we already attended a few funerals in our lifetime? Where have they left us? Where & when have we changed? How have we been different since the last funeral wake/ mass? Oftentimes, we like to adopt the "spectators mentality" - questioning & lamenting. I think there's nothing wrong with that. It's part of the griefing process. But it stopped short of any futher involvement in our lives. The world continues to spin even if it seemed like it had stopped momentarily during the passing of our loved ones.

But i think death gives meaning when & unless it triggers a change in the way we continue to live our lives. A change that iluminates hope, meaning & inspiration. Preparing for Colin's funeral mass is by no means, an easy feat. The whole saga took me a full day & night's work. But I can't say that the prep has given any meaning to me (based on my above criteria). If anything, perhaps it helped me in my grieving process, knowing that i could be of help to his family (thereby reducing that guilt feeling). But Colin's gone. Nothing i could do could really have "helped him" in anyway.

But it's only upon further reflection abt the way he lived his life & what he stood for that gave me this hope, meaning & inspiration. During his lifetime, he lived life to the fullest, balancing between work, family & church. He gave his life to help the youths in church. There were many untold charity works that he did in his capacity as a lawyer (i only learnt abt it from the New Paper report!). i failed pale in comparison. How have i been a Christian at work? How could i have further encourage the youths in church? It is not so much for the sake of comparison, but rather, have i loved as Jesus has loved? That's what Colin lived & did.

Colin was a sociable friend who treated others with kindness, generosity & sincerity. His whole death, has inspired me to join facebook to keep in contact with others and to use this God-given technology to share my faith story. And hence this blog is born for this purpose. How is it going to work? i'm not too sure. But like Colin, i will take each step as it comes, and to give life to this blog - "to the fullest". In so many ways, i'm invited to continue living the life of Colin, always reaching out. Now, i understood what the disciples went through when the Lord was no longer with them. They must have relied on their past memories - of the happy times spent on fishing, feasting, travelling together. They must have reflected on what Jesus stood for, of His question, "Who do you say I am?". But most importantly, the disciples gave meaning to Christ's life & death when they become Christ to others in the world. In the words of St. Paul in Galatians - "it is no longer i who live, but Christ who lives in me." That's the change. That's when death gives meaning. And that is all that matters. The rest is His-story.

What about you? How has death given meaning to you?

"...once you learn how to die, you learn how to live...the things you spend so much time on - all this work you do - might not seem as important. You might have to make room for some more spiritual things."

~ Morrie in Tuesdays with Morrie.