Monday, April 6, 2009

Palm Sunday (Mk 14:1 - 15:47)

St. Paul says in Romans 7,
I do not understand my own behaviour; the good thing I want to do, I never do; the evil thing which I do not want -- that is what I do. So I find this rule: that for me, where I want to do nothing but good, evil is close at my side. In my inmost self I dearly love God's law, but I see that acting on my body there is a different law which battles against the law in my mind. So I am brought to be a prisoner of that law of sin which lives inside my body.

And I find this statement coming alive so very often in my life! Just the other day, I find myself rushing to catch a train for work. I was behind a guy who was tapping his eZy link card slowly.I let out a sign of impatience only to be greeted by him with "What's your problem?" Since I was in a rush, I didn't want to waste further time arguing with him. I hurried along to catch my train. Soon, I find myself in the train, fighting my dilemma if I shld take out my Christian book for a read. Somehow my action earlier did not quite match my identity as a Christian. I should have been more patient. If someone has witnessed what had happened earlier, what must they have thought of me, and of Christians?

There are many angles to look at today's Gospel (Apr 12). I choose to look at it from the perspective of choices. As I journey through life, it becomes clearer to me that I'm not 100% good or bad all the time. Most likely, I'm a mixture. Within me is a confused bystander who cheered Jesus on his triumphant entry and one who vehemently wants to crucify Him. I behave like Peter who swears to stay with Jesus no matter what happens and yet deny Him at the earliest opportunity to save my skin. How and when can I ever be steadfast to the Lord in my Christian journey?

Looking at the Holy Week event in the light of the Resurrection, reminds me that it was through many bitter denials that the apostles learnt to be steadfast to the Lord. This led to the ultimate sacrificial of their lives than the denial of their faith. There must have been many small "deaths" along the way to lead to this final martyrdom. Making a living in today's corporate world is a sure journey towards Jerusalem (figuratively). Today's Gospel invites me to decide on the choices I make. The consolation that I take with me is that I can start my training with the "small deaths" I make each day (e.g. being more patient with a nasty colleague etc) and even should I fall, I only need to pick myself up. I'm not 100% good or bad all the time. But with practice, I hope to inch towards the goal of 100% for Christ.

I have been crucified with Christ; it is no longer I who live, but Christ who lives in me; and the life I now live in the flesh I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me. ~ Gal 2:20


Wednesday, April 1, 2009

Grain that dies (Jn 12: 20 - 33)

I do not know when & how it all started or evolved. But it often began with my name follow by "where I am studying, (field of study)" to "where I am working (my designation)". At least this was how I grew up introducing myself since my schooldays right up to the present day. How do you introduce yourself or your friend?

The late Father Basil Pennington in his book, "True Self/False Self" reminds us that our "false" self stems mainly from :
1) What I have
2) What I do
3) How others see me
Or rather, this is how we perceive or construct our identity to be. I found myself nodding my head in agreement when I read this.

Being an introvert, I grew up like all teens, desperately trying to find acceptance and belonging. In searching for this self-identity, I found myself conforming to social norms to dress fashionably - Buy the "latest trend". I recall buying my first $29 Hang Ten sweater at the age of 15. Who cares if the weather is 31ÂșC outside, the important issue here is "how others see me" based on "what I have". Of course, as one would have guessed, I outgrew the brands but not the false self. Soon, I was moving off to Levis, Guess, cK etc. Being in the marketing field, I should only know too well that brands portrays our self-concept, but never the reality. At the heart of it, I want to look good, to be someboday - preferably as hot as the models wearing the brands. But stripping these possessions away, I'm really no different from the person next door.

Today, as we inch nearer to Passion Week, I found myself asking this question : So, who am I (really)? The Gospel today (Mar 29), invites me to die to my false self - an identity founded on the 3 criteria listed above. The questions demands that I get in touch with my BE-ING, without the 3Ps - possessions, performances, and projections.

It amazes me when I reflected this :
If I were to be a bystander in Jesus's time, what would He have seen in me when He walked by? What did He see (in me) that still made Him carry on His journey down Jerusalem & finally to Calvary? There must be something within me that He's dying (excuse the pun) to show me..... Maybe I did not realise the famous brand that I'm wearing - the Jesus Brand.

"The unveiling of who we are can be hard for our contemporary culture to understand because there is the frequent assumption that we have the human right just to decide who we are. Identity is not to be discovered; it can be chosen. One chooses which identity one will have today. Identity is a lifestyle option and it is an infringement of my human rights for anyone not to accept that identity. But the smile of Jesus summons me to an identity that is not constructed but given. For my deepest being is indeed pure gift and in attaining it I discover joy.

~ What is the point of being a Christian? Fr. Timothy Radcliffe, OP

Monday, March 23, 2009

Light vs Darkness (Jn 3:14 - 21)

It is strange how this Sun's gospel reading (Mar 22) reminded me of my own conversion story. Although I have shared it so often with people, but this is the first time I'm putting it down in writing. Have you ever find yourself sleeping in late in the morning, only to be awaken by the strong sunlight hitting at your eyes. The feeling is horrible, isn't it - adjusting to the light? But well, it only means = time to wake up!

Having completed my confirmation class in Sec 2, i thought a certain phase in my life is finally "over & done with!" Being the "introvert me" didn't quite help either, since I do not have a Christian community to belong. Naturally, it didn't take long before I de-generated to a Sunday Catholic and the final retired Catholic. Yes, i still remember the initial nagging feeling whenever I missed Sunday mass. But it didn't take long for me to become numb to this "other voice", until it is gradually heard no more. Not going for mass becomes a way of life. A more productive alternative could be used with this time - e,g, study. Of course, this is the clever me at work, coming up with creative excuses.

It was not until in JC 2, when two of my classmates, Alex & Geralding invited me for a retreat with them in CJC that I finally "come to the light". I still recall Geralding inviting me in JC 1 but was turned down by me. I still do not know why, what or how did I agree to this ridiculous offer to attend the retreat in Yr 2. I recall thinking to myself "What can a retreat do to you?" But that fateful retreat showed me all the difference.

It was there, that someone played the audio version of the Passion of Christ. That nailing, panting, suffering, wailing drowned me as I find myself overwhelmed by God's love. Who could this man be, who could be so madly in love with me? And the inevitable & consequential question arise : and Who am I? How can I deserve this love?

The reading today reminded me that this light of God is not here to burn/scorge me. For Christ came to save, not to condemn. What I first experienced in my conversion was not one of guilt, but of unconditional love. This light of Christ comes to awaken me - to my senses; to a love I have previously know only with my head but not my heart. And it is only in this light and understanding, did I realise how far I haved sinned. For to sin is to miss the mark. Indeed, I have gone way off tangent on the course in my life. Thanks to my wonderful friends who have been the light for me, It is now my turn to be the light for others.

But what kind of light will I be? One to condemn (burn) or to save (awaken)? I pray that my conversion will serve to remind & humble me that I was once in darkness. It is in that darkness that I appreciated the light.


It only takes a spark to get a fire going,
And soon all those around can warm up in its glowing;
That's how it is with God's Love,
Once you've experienced it,
Your spread the love to everyone
You want to pass it on.


~ Lyrics from the song, "Pass It On"

Thursday, March 19, 2009

Cleansing in the Temple (Jn 2: 13- 25)

Anger may not always be a necessary evil. Well, at least this is something new which I learned from Fr. Michael McGuire, a trained psycho-therapist. Anger represents hope. A hope to change things, a hope for the better. My good friend, Friar Derrick reminded me in a session recently, that we often feel angry because of a sense of justice. Something that rightfully belongs to us/someone is suddenly taken away. And we demand/hope that this is corrected.

We see this taking place in today's (Mar 15) Gospel - the Cleansing in the Temple. I often wonder if Jesus was angry with 1) the idea of the selling, 2) the exhorbitant prices that were unreasonably set &/or 3) the exploitation of the poor (since they do not seem to have a choice - they need to buy something to be used as an offering). In some ways, all these seem to point towards a fundamental abuse of trust & exploitation. And to make matters worse, of all places - the Christian family, the dwelling place of God. Today, I wonder if the very same church is still acting like a market place? Am I also guilty, among those counted in the mercenary traders?

Looking back at my journey in ministry, there were definitely times when 1) the ideas/projects that I "sold" were more self-serving than following the Spirit's directive, 2) I set/expect high standards for one to qualify as member of the ministry (e.g. 90% attendance in the year, including exam period), 3) members were given the ultimatium to adhere to our ministry rules or leave the ministry (members should not "use" ministry only for their emotional support). Often I can & do forget the reason why people join ministry in the first place! They come for worship - a heart-to-heart prayer with God. Coming to Him with all their being, and without pretense. That is who they are and that is what they can offer - all that they have : 2 copper coins. One would expect the church to welcome them with open arms, but I can be that mercenary trader outside, turning a prodigal child away.

So today, instead of channeling my anger towards others, I also need to take a look at myself. Maybe, I need to be angry with myself first. I need to turn this energy to a constructive desire for a positive change. That change that may restore me to my original, rightful state - made in the image & likenes of God. Only then, can I truly live out to be a channel of hope for others.

"Then David's anger was greatly kindled against the man; and he said to Nathan, "As the LORD lives, the man who has done this deserves to die; and he shall restore the lamb fourfold, because he did this thing, and because he had no pity."

Nathan said to David, "You are the man. Thus says the LORD, the God of Israel, 'I anointed you king over Israel, and I delivered you out of the hand of Saul; and I gave you your master's house, and your master's wives into your bosom, and gave you the house of Israel and of Judah; and if this were too little, I would add to you as much more. Why have you despised the word of the LORD, to do what is evil in his sight?"

- 2 Sam 12 : 5 - 9

Tuesday, March 17, 2009

The Transfiguration (Mk 9 : 2 - 10)

One fine day, my 2 year old nephew looked to the altar & started saying "strawberry". We were puzzled by what he has just uttered. Where on earth would you find a strawberry at the altar?!! My sis-in-law and I stared blankly at each other. But on closer look, this picture (on your left) does show some resemblance of a strawberry from afar. Yes, it is none other than the sacred heart of Jesus!

This little funny incident indeed taught me a thing or two about contemplation. Contemplation invites us to look beyond the physical or what we know, and enter into the presence of the divine. As a child, many things appear to us as strawberries - our image of God, our understanding of Him, our prayer, the Mass etc. And here, I must admit that I'm still very much like a child when it comes to faith. Every time I think I know enough about God, I'm once again challenged with regards to our relationship & roles. It is not knowing about Him but knowing Him in that intimate & personal level which He constantly invites.

In some way, taking care of little children has opened my eyes about the need for child-like, simple faith. Silly as it may sound, but once a child learns a new thing, they relate everything in that context. In this instance, how could the Sacred Heart look like a strawberry? But imagine the potential of relating to the world, if I could but grasp the love & beauty of God in each person. What will the world become? How would I behave, if I am able to relate in this child-like simplicity? Will this world indeed become the reign of the kingdom that Jesus was here to preach about? For He says time and time again : the kingdom of God is at hand => so near & yet so far. All I need is to let go of all my "think I know everything" mature faith and to embrace the faith of a little child.

Today's Gospel (Mar 8) shows us a glimpse of the power of prayer & contemplation. The transfiguration is not an easy topic to apply in our daily living. I borrow the concept from Fr. Raniero Cantalamessa in his book, "The Mystery of the Transfiguration". In this book, he mention about the power of contemplation that transforms Jesus from within (rather than without). Contemplative prayer, reflection, allows us to search within ourselves so that we may come to know God as He sees us. What follows is a deep sense of feeling loved, secured which empowers us to look & react at the world in a different light.


"In Louisville, at the corner of Fourth and Walnut, in the center of the shopping district, I was suddenly overwhelmed with the realization that I loved all those people, that they were mine and I theirs, that we could not be alien to one another even though we were total strangers. It was like waking from a dream of separateness, of spurious self-isolation in a special world, the world of renunciation and supposed holiness...This sense of liberation from an illusory difference was such a relief and such a joy to me that I almost laughed out loud. And I suppose my happiness could have taken form in the words: “Thank God, thank God that I am like other men, that I am only a man among others.”...I have the immense joy of being man, a member of a race in which God Himself became incarnate. And if only everybody could realize this! But it cannot be explained. There is no way of telling people that they are all walking around shining like the sun...Then it was as if I suddenly saw the secret beauty of their hearts, the depths of their hearts where neither sin nor desire nor self-knowledge can reach, the core of their reality, the person that each one is in God’s eyes. If only they could all see themselves as they really are. If only we could see each other that way all the time. There would be no more war, no more hatred, no more cruelty, no more greed…I suppose the big problem would be that we would fall down and worship each other. But this cannot be seen, only believed and “understood” by a peculiar gift."




~ Thomas Merton, Conjectures of A Guilty Bystander


Sunday, March 15, 2009

The Temptation of Christ (Mk 1: 12 - 15)

When I talk to people about temptation, we inevitably always come to the topic about how many times we have fallen or how difficult the struggle is, during that moment of dilemma. Beaten at our weaknesses and finding creative excuses for our folly seem to be the subsequent focus. But what I would like to share today is also about the times (even if it might be rare) when we were victorious. The occasions where we chose to ignore the calls of our flesh & follow the promptings of the Holy Spirit.

One of the temptations that I could recall happened when I first joined the workforce. I was with my colleague in office, one late evening, to print price labels for a sale event that we were organizing. Since I completed my part earlier, I offered to help him out. The next day, a mistake was discovered during the sale. The price label for one of the items had been under-priced. Unfortunately, 2 sets of that item have already been sold by then. This cost the company to lose about $400+ in total. I discovered that the wrong price label actually belonged to my colleague who was in charge of that section. Just as I breathed out signs of relief, I soon discovered that I was the one who contributed to the error when I helped him that night. What should I do now? Own up to my mistake and be given a bad evaluation of my performance (at best) and maybe even pay back the company for the losses and lose my job (at worst)? OR should I just keep mum about the whole thing & let my friend take the rap? That night, I couldn’t bring myself to sleep. It was a moral dilemma for me. It was afterall, my first job in a reputable MNC and it wasn’t all that easy in clinching this job. I loved my job and was eager to save my own skin.

The next day, my colleague confronted me and said that I had sabotaged him as a consequence of my carelessness. Besides apologizing, I could only remain speechless before him. What else can I say? But as much as I needed to save this job, I was suddenly conscious of how he would view me or even Catholics in general. I had always been outspoken of my identity as a Catholic. (Blame it on my eagerness to evangelize in my own subtle ways at work) Now, if I were to save my skin today, will I then lose a chance of his potential conversion in future? Would he want to be a Christian/Catholic when he learned that this is how they behave? Could I bring myself to do that? With that thought, the choice seemed clearer to me.

Soon after, I owned up my mistake to my boss and also offered to pay back for the losses. However, my gracious boss told me it's ok to make mistakes. “Do not repeat it and let’s move on” – that’s what he advised. Whew! Seemed like a close shave with death. Looking back, I always felt that this is one of the best decisions that I made. It had been a pivotal point in my spiritual life when I’m reminded of the innate power & potential within me to say “no to evil & temptation”. Temptations may look daunting & overpowering. They seem to give us incessant pressure till we cave in to their requests. But if we could only take time to recall the no. of triumphant victories we had, we will know that we are not as weak as what evil would like us to believe.

The Sun’s (Mar 1) Gospel reminded us that Jesus was led by the Holy Spirit to be tempted by Satan. Next, we also find that not only wild animals were in the desert, but angels too! We definitely do not fight this spiritual warfare alone. Let us take courage & refuge in this!

“…but where sin increased, grace abounded all the more”
~ Romans 5:20

Saturday, March 14, 2009

The Paralytic Man & His Friends (Mk 2: 1 - 12)

For those who have friends/relatives who are smokers or are smokers themselves, you will know how hard it is to break the habit. I have tried relentlessly and have given up hope in trying to persuade someone to give up smoking.

So, you can almost imagine my eyes popping out when I first learnt about 2 persons who have successfully given up smoking. It was during my business trip to India that I heard about how 2 friends encourage each other to give up smoking. Incredible? Yes! I would even go on to say that it was almost a miracle in itself. Friend A, a smoker himself wanted to encourage Friend B to give up smoking. In order to do so, he set the example and gave up smoking. Friend B, upon seeing the great sacrifice made by his friend, also gave up smoking in the end. Here is a classic example on the power of friendship. It open up my eyes to see that perhaps a good form of encouragement is not a dressing down on “dos” & “don’ts”. It is one thing to share training tips to help a friend build up his stamina and it’s quite another thing to run the race together with your friend.

In today’s Gospel (Feb 22), we witness the miracle & power of another set of friendship. A paralytic is recovered because of the perseverance and astuteness of his friends. It is amazing on the length of trouble a friend would go through – just to restore the health of the paralytic.

Yet beyond that, we see another level of friendship unfolding. We witness a friend who would go beyond the physical to reach out to the deeper and often hidden level of spiritual health. And that was what Jesus was interested in. In fact, in so doing, Jesus is souring his relationship with the Pharisees. This will be the start of the many accusations that will be brought against Jesus identity – the ability to forgive sins.

Yet in our world today, how many spiritual friends will we be able to find? Do we have a community who sincerely cares deep enough for our often neglected spiritual health? Someone who will risk souring relationships to tell us what we need to do to restore our spiritual well-being? It is often weird for most Catholics to share/talk about religion with another person, especially someone close. But if we sincerely care for someone’s spiritual health, we need to pray for the strength & perseverance like what Jesus and the paralytic’s friends did. As true friends, let us care beyond the surface.

Greater love has no man than this, that a man lay down his life for his friends.
~ John 15:13

Thursday, February 26, 2009

Curing of Leper (Mk 1: 40 - 45)

In our present age, with the advancement of medical science, it is not common to encounter a leper (depending on which part of the world you are in) on the streets. Yet, I wonder what will my reaction be, should I meet one. Will I cringe at what I see or will I run for the fear for my life?

What I saw in Jesus during the Gospel Reading (Feb 15) is more than another healing miracle. It helps me better understand the nature and personhood of our Lord Jesus. Today’s healing was more than breaking the rules to “work” (heal) on the Sabbath or the touching of an unclean man. It is about overcoming our basic instinctual needs for survival. Even before He displayed His great love for us in dying on the cross, we can already catch the sneak preview of this crazy lover – a God who loves us (His creation) more than his own life.

Just a few years back, I found myself playing the role of the leper. It was during the SARS period, whereby the slightest tinge of cough or running nose will get people around you paranoid. I was down with a dry cough one day while attending a bible class. It must have been the cold air that got me coughing a while. Suddenly a lady who was sitting next to me just turn and said that perhaps if I’m not feeling well, I shouldn’t be there. I can understand where she is coming from and I do think that there is some truth in what she said. But what made it slightly difficult to accept was that it came from a fellow sister in the community – and to be more specific, a Christian community. What I would really have long to hear was at least a concern (if I was ok), instead of being condemn as a burden to the community.

So, although we will never encounter a physical “leper” today, but there are still many “lepers” around us. They come in the guise of people who long for our acceptance and care. In today’s context, perhaps lepers no longer come in the form of patients but they can still appear as “outcasts” – those who may be socially inept, slow or loud. A few times at work, I’ve also caught myself behaving like one who condemns. Sometimes, my overtly concern for efficiency can overtake my concern for a fellow colleague’s well-being. This reflection serves as a reminder for me on what it feels like to be treated like a leper. I pray for the strength to love like Jesus did – a love beyond my own self. Perhaps it is only then, can I really reach out beyond myself to bring healing, & integration to others.

Today, I like to pay tribute to Blessed Damien. (See biography A or B ) He will be canonized this year by Pope Benedict. A saint who reminded us of the presence of God in the world (1840 – 1889). A saint who loved to the point of being one with his charge. A saint who understood that people are succumbing not to leprosy but abandonment and condemnation.

“I make myself a leper with the lepers to gain all to Jesus Christ.”
~ Blessed Damien of Molokai

Tuesday, February 10, 2009

Moving On (Mk 1 : 29 - 39)

I suspect that at some point in our life’s journey, be it a physical exploration of a new place or a personal decision in life regarding career etc, we come to a crossroad whereby a decision is required. At that juncture, we want to know if this is the time to move on or to stay back? And it is oftentimes not an easy decision to make, especially when it entails the “temptation of two goods”. Few years back, I was faced with such a dilemma in ministry. Both present their fair amount of challenges & opportunities. On one hand, I had grown attach to a particular ministry in my parish due to the heavy investment in time & relationship forged. On the other hand, opportunity presents itself in the form of a new challenge at another church.

Will my staying on allow me to renew the current group – to grow everyone closer to God? Also, can I let go of all the relationships that have been forged? Will I be abandoning the group now if I leave them? Many thoughts ran through my mind. On the other hand, what can I do for this new group if I had moved on? Will the new members in that group accept me as a new comer, with new ideas & new ways of doing things? What if things don’t work out? There is no one size fit all or “model” to the discernment process. What works in a particular situation may not guarantee to work in another.

However, these could be similar thoughts that ran through the mind of Jesus in Sunday's Gospel reading (8 Feb). But we could pick out a few tips from the Lord’s discernment process :

1) deep & long prayer
2) staying focus to his mission
3) attitude of surrender (& openness)

It is amazing how things were turning so well (& I’m sure the disciples are also basking in the new found popularity of their Rabbi), only to be met with a complete different course (and maybe also unexpected), after a night of prayer! (Mk 1: 34, 37) Thereafter, the answer for this radical decision was given : that Jesus was sent to proclaim the good news, and He must press on. Speaking from my experience earlier, I can only surmise that this is no easy decision to make. I can only suggest that an attitude of surrender (of one’s wants & motivations – be it for popularity, of feeling useful etc) and remaining focus to our true self could bring about such a decision. I do not know whether our Lord brought his offerings & mission into prayer or if prayer actually reinforced His attitude of openness and mission. But all 3 elements seem essential and inter-related. Let us learn from our Lord on how we can move on in our lives...

"For this, it is necessary to make ourselves indifferent to all created things, in all that is allowed to the choice of our free will and is not prohibited to it; so that, on our part, we want not health rather than sickness, riches rather than poverty, honor rather than dishonor, long rather than short life, and so in all the rest; desiring and choosing only that which is most conducive for us to the end for which we are created."

~ Principle and Foundation 2, spiritual exercises of St. Ignatius

Saturday, February 7, 2009

Authority (Mk 1: 21 - 28)?

For me, the word "Authority" often gives a negative connotation. It brings back memories of army and work. As a common saying goes in the army, when they ask you to jump, don't ask why but how high? When they ask you to run, don't ask why but how far? Yes, that's what authority is - just do it! no questions ask.

Just when I thought I was liberated with the end of national service, I realize that the corporate world too, can sometimes be run by dictatorship. I'm sure many would agree with me that not all decisions made here is 100% objective all the time. Once in a while, decisions have to be made based on subjective (gut) feelings. Sometimes, it could really all voice down to the choice of a colour - red or green (for example). And how many times, we have heard complaints (whether by someone else or silently in our heart) that go "Okay, if you say so. What to do? You are the boss." And what made it hard to stomach sometimes, is the fact that these decisions may not necessary end up to be the best ones. At times, they are only a matter of preference, and not knowledge.

Sometimes, authority can go in this direction. It is used (or abuse) to protect an organization, a tested tradition/system and often times, the very person who made that decision. As they say : Don't rock the boat! However, looking at how my nephew & niece are raised, I have learnt that authority can also be used to protect - the other party. One can often hear parents say : "Don't do this...Do that....I told you already, listen up....." But their intention is always for the well-being of The Other.

During the Sun's gospel reading (Feb 1), we hear the word Authority mentioned 2x. The first one was the way Jesus taught - with a sense of surety & expertise. He exist before the world was created and He's one like us in all things, except sin (Heb 4:15). He is not only all-knowing but He walks the talk. Indeed, He has all the right and qualification to speak with such certainty. Here, we are not toying with subjective decision making but one that deals with our eternal lives! Would and could you entrust your life to a doctor who operates you based on subjective gut feel? In this present age whereby globalization, consumerism and technology media is growing, we need ever more the authoritative teaching of the Church to guide us. She cannot act according to the "times of the world" or the fashion of the month. Hence, the importance to recognize the infallability of the church in her teaching on morality & ethics.

Next, Jesus taught with an authority that backed Him up. Often times, we hear the Pharisee questioning "by what authority & who gave the authority?" (Mk 11:28). They have failed to see 2 things : 1) Jesus authority stems from His concern for the OTHER party. It was never about Himself or to protect His ego. 2) God's divine nature is love. IF the Pharisees had been able to perceive this, they would be able to conclude that Jesus was backed by God's authority for God = love and Jesus taught with love. He taught not to add burdens; control people's freedom (Mt 23:4) but rather to liberate His people - to set the captives free and proclaim the favourable year of the Lord! (Lk 4:19)

Everywhere (in politics, in the church, on school playgrounds where bullies rule, in neighborhoods torn apart by drug dealers, and in the world at large where private interests often destroy community) there is a longing and a constant prayer for someone to come and use power in a redeeming way to make things better. The longing for a messiah is in fact a longing for a redeeming power to enter into our lives.

~ Ronald Rolheiser, Secularity and the Gospel: Being Missionaries to Our Children

Saturday, January 10, 2009

Calling of Disciples (Mk 1: 14 - 20)

The upcoming Sun's Gospel reading (Jan 25) reminds me of how the Lord called his first disciples at the most unlikely places - at work! Work and God? No way! They are mutually exclusive. If anything, the closest association I can think of is : religion as a weekend (part-time) job. God suddenly appears when the weekend is here :
- when I have more time for myself.
(Suddenly, I can have time to care for others and be a loving disciple)
- when I go to serve in my weekly ministry at church, attending mass.

In short, I practise religion at my convenience. And so, God is also conveniently remembered. Yet at work, I often wonder how people look at me. Will they find traces of evidence that I am a Catholic? When I entered the work force, I recalled my lofty ambition to climb up the corporate ladder by "hook or by crook".

My friend, Kim (who had a few yrs of working experience) reminded me that as much as there are "politicians" in the workplace who backstab & slander, there are also angels around who are nice & helpful. The choice is mine to make. The corporate world is not just about survival of the fittest, it's also about a witnessing to the values of humanity, love & social justice. I was skeptical but still, her advice stayed at the back of my mind.

When I got my first job, I remembered this case of witnessing that stayed vividly with me. Our admin colleague sent out an angry mail one day about a photocopier machine that broke down. In her mail, she mentioned that the last person who used it, should have reported the incident to her so that she could get it rectified immediately. Instead, the delay has now brought much inconvenience to the department. If you are the culprit, what would you do?

Own up? That's what my colleague Stephanie did! She was a self professed Christian who witnessed to Christ in the workplace. During Christmas, she would give out lollipops with an evangelical message attached to them. She would also correct colleagues about why it should be Christmas and not Xmas = because Christ is the reason.

Though most people would prefer a clean & goodie image, she opted otherwise - to own up & apologise for her mistake. She was in a hurry then and was not able to inform anyone of the breakdown. Somehow, for me, the mistake make her more Christian than if she had remained silent to preserve her good Christian image. She stood for someone who's humble and humane. She showed me that making mistakes is not the end of the world. But walking away from your Christian responsibilities is really the downhill of your career - as a witness for God.

Thanks to her, I've not taken the "hook or by crook" corporate climb. Instead my motto in work : to try bring Christ (love) to others & vice versa. That's just what I want to be remembered for. Not a tyrant, sly director. Yes, I'm still far away from my Christian goal (and the director post as well!) and needs a lot of pruning.

In today's Gospel, we see how the disciples were "promoted" from fishermen to fishers of men. That's the promotion I hope to get in due time.

Nothing seems tiresome or painful when you are working for a Master who pays well; who rewards even a cup of cold water given for love of Him.

~ St. Dominic Savio

Wednesday, January 7, 2009

Come & See (Jn 1: 35 - 42)

“Come & See…” was the invitation made by our Lord to John’s disciples & us during this Sunday’s reading. But what exactly is He inviting us to see? A house? Probably an iconic, freehold condominium, overlooking some skyline in today’s context. Or perhaps, He’s inviting us not to a house, but His home. Not merely to visualize, but to take in all that one experience. In elsewhere in the Gospel, Jesus would often remind his listeners, “why do you look and not see?”

Throughout my life, I’ve been invited to numerous homes. Some were contained in gorgeous, well decorated houses but one that made a deep impression in my memory, turned out to be an exception. It was a caroling project with my first RCIY batch few years back. One of our elects, a 13yr old boy invited us to his place for caroling. As the host, it is often expected that food will be prepared for the team of carolers visiting your place. Though he did not come from a well-to-do family, yet he invited us to his place that year. I wondered if he understood the implication of that invitation – it would have cost his family a considerable amount of money & efforts! On that fateful day, we went to his 3-room flat to carol. Although it was a small place to fit 25 of us, but we enjoyed ourselves. Food, comprising of mee goreng with chicken wings were served. Honestly, the food was not enough to go round but we all understood the situation and knew the purpose of why we were there – to carol, evangelize.

But that day, I felt that I had received more than I had given. I will never forget the joy & cheerfulness of that boy. He always carried with him a positive outlook in class. Despite the situation they were in, the family had been generous with what they could offer. I felt that I did not enter into a small room but a BIG home that day. One filled with unlimited servings of love & hope. A family who did not forget to come together to give thanks to God during the Christmas, and to literally witness His message of hope and love to us. What was offered to me was not merely food, BUT an encounter of selfless human spirit.

Whenever I reflected on this passage, that encounter just seemed to come back. For the lack of description in the Gospel, I had to use my imagination. What did the 2 disciples encounter that day that made Andrew say, thereafter, : “We have found the Messiah?” It must be more than a building. Could they have experienced something similar to what I did? A poor but generous God who humbled Himself but not limited to serve out repeated, overflowing portions of mercy & compassion?

“Open your hearts to the love God instills in them. God loves you tenderly. What He gives you is not to be kept under lock and key, but to be shared…The more you save, the less you will be able to give. The less you have, the more you will know how to share…Let us ask God, when it comes time to ask Him for something, to help us to be generous.”

~ Mother Teresa

Tuesday, January 6, 2009

Baptism (Mk 1:7-11)

At some points in my life, I can't seem to escape the usual questioning on "who am I?" (what's my worth?) and "what is my purpose here on earth?" (what do I live for?) (read previous blog entry) And I highly suspect that they will continue to haunt me at a later stage in life. Can't seem to shake them off.

But what is most perculiar about this questioning process is not the repeated pattern that has surfaced but the timing of these questions. They seem to bug me everytime I enter into a different phase/situation in life. They happened when I :

a) was in secondary school AND JC, trying to find my sense of belonging,
b) was in army, trying to find meaning in the 2.5 yrs of "wasted" time,
c) graduated, trying to find the "right" job
d) was working, trying to make sense of my contribution & worth
e) was serving in church, wondering if I made a difference - for the better or worse?
f) had to undergo an operation, trying to understand what have I lived for in life?
And the list goes on.

Somehow, it is in periods like this, when uncertainty grips me, that affirmation and encouragement followed suit. They provided a clue to what I needed to do next.
When I took time to recall such moments, I saw them taking flesh in my

a) silent retreat in JC 2 (I found myself : it was my conversion point in life to know Christ again, after leaving church for 3 yrs)
b) year end retreat in JC 2 (I found a community : receiving affirmation from my catholic JC frens that helped me find back my self-esteem)
c) LISS experience when I was in the 1st yr of army (I found my faith : a build up, being touched by the Lord again)
d) weekend retreat with Doulos in my second yr in army (I was affirmed : an extra-ordinary encounter with the Holy Spirit)
d) my job offer with Sony (I found my priority & vallues : after I declined 2 prior job offers which compromise my values & time for ministry!)
e) the many affirmation notes/cards that I received in retreats & Christmas (I found my vocation in ministry : think I was doing something right then)

Penning this reflection, I can only be grateful to the Lord for the graces He has bestowed on me. Understanding the person that I am, provided an impetus for me to find my direction, esp. when I face uncertainty in a different phase in life. i.e. it is in finding the "who am I" that allows the "my purpose here on earth" to happen. This Sunday's reading is on the Baptism of our Lord (Jan 11, 2009). Looking at the life of our Lord Jesus, we find the baptism scene most pivotal to his subsequent temptation in the desert and 3 yrs of public ministry. This baptism scene is not meant only for the High, Almighty Son of God (Up There). But it is equally important & relevant for me today (NOW HERE). Have I been affirmed? Have I affirm someone else?

Baptism should not be viewed narrowly as a once in a lifetime ritual that is gotten over & done with. (Thankfully, we still have the renewal of baptismal promises each Easter Vigil). In a broader sense, everytime I receive an affirmation, it is really a reminder of my baptismal encounter. It is our Heavenly Father (through the mouthpiece of another) affirming us - not for what we do only, but for who WE ARE. "This is my Beloved with whom I am well pleased". The problem with me, when dealing with baptismal topic in RCIA/Y is that I like to quickly jump into the next part - the response of the elects. That translated to a long list of "Should Do/Behave" But for once, I need to get it right. I like to simply dwell & busk in His love & affirmation. Once I know who I am....the rest will take care of itself.


I (Sheila) learned the most about the meaning of affirmation from our friend, Dr. Conrad Baars, until his death, a Christian psychiatrist and author. Dr. Baars found the most common emotional hurt to be a lack of affirmation. By this he meant that many, perhaps even most, people in our culture have not had their goodness revealed to them by another who sees that goodness and loves them unconditionally. And Dr. Baars believed that we cannot become our true selves until we have been affirmed. We discover who we are only when we see our goodness reflected back to us in the eyes of another who loves us. Thus, in his book, Born Only Once, Dr. Baars writes that all of us have been born once - physically. But many of us have never had our second or "psychic birth," because no one has ever affirm us. "


~ Healing the 8 Stages of Life (Matthew Linn, Dennis Linn, Sheila Fabricant)

Monday, January 5, 2009

Epiphany - The Revelation of God

Time flies. It's yet another year to end the Christmas season with the culimination on the Feast of Epiphany. It is not only a big word to understand but coming to terms with it's full meaning & implication seems to take a miracle. And I'm not sure if I could ever do so in my lifetime. But 2 events that I encountered recently reminded me a little of it's meaning.

My friend, Kenneth came by to do some catching up few days back. Strangely, I always thought of him as a popular extrovert, only to be corrected that he's also quite an introvert who prefers time & space for personal reflection. I don't really know him well but was glad that this is a good start to know him. On another occasion, I caught up with another fren who used to date a lesbian. He joked that He wanted to be a Saviour to change her. But in the end, nothing worked out. Nonetheless, knowing him, I believe the real reason is 'cos he has noticed something beautiful within her. Somewhere along his daily encounter with her, he fell more for her. There must be something more about her that we don't know/see.

And I think Epiphany (The Revelation of God) is a little of both events. We need someone or something to show/tell us who God is first. How else will we know Him? And this is the reason for Christmas to culminate in Epiphany - the revelation of God, through the giving of His precious Son. Just like my friend, Kenneth who volunteered information on himself, Christ came to show us who God is, His nature & what He stood for. "To have seen me, is to have seen the Father" ~ Jn 14:9. Today, this revelation continues to come to us through the bible, the teachings of the church and not forgetting the wonderful people around us, who led by their examples. But theoretical knowledge is not enough. We are not merely reading the biography of a historical person. We need to look above & beyond what we see/know. That is what the word "contemplate" means. God is to be experienced. My second friend was able to look past the sexual orientation of the girl he liked (knowledge) to gain a deeper insight into her personality. That could only be brought about by an experience and revelation.

I often wondered what the 3 wise men saw at the stable that night when they found our baby Jesus. A simple vulnerable baby born in the most humble and forgotten place. Have they mistook the tree for the forest? What made them bow down & pay homage to this child as the King of the Jews? Reading Mt 2:11 tells us the story. It reveals only part, not the full nature of the person of Jesus. Only contemplation allows us the space & insight to look beyond what we were told to what is the truth. Only then, can we look with the eyes of the wise men that night to recognise vulnerability as power, humility as majesty, poverty as riches. And until and unless we come to terms with this, through a personal experience/conviction, can we then bring our best before Him (be it gold, frankincense or myrr).

"But they were given a warning in a dream not to go back to Herod, and returned to their own country by a different way." ~ Mt. 2: 12

May we, like the wise men, experience Christ and never go back to our old & sinful ways (Herod=culture of death). Rather, let us be constantly transformed and return back in a different way - renewed & life-giving.


Saturday, January 3, 2009

New Year Resolution

I don't know if people have given up on resolutions. But there seems to be quite a no. of things I would like to do for 2009. Amongst them,
1) learning Bollywood Dance (yes...pls do not laugh)
2) learning photography
3) putting more efforts in my grooming & exercise
4) picking up keyboard & vocal classes (re-learning)
and the list goes on. Then, I went to check with my colleague on his resolutions but ended up being enlightened from a discussion with him.

He differentiated a "new experience" from a "must-do in life" when he define his resolutions. To him, a resolution should be a dream (amongst the many) that he would like to fulfil in his lifetime. Failing which, will leave him with regrets. A new experience, on the other hand, is an ad-hoc desire which he would like to do, if possible. But failing which, will not make him any bitter or less fulfilled in life. What I have just listed seem to fall into the latter definition.

What was interesting in hearing his insight is about how I often mistake a short term goal for a long term one. Why do I make resolution? Is it not to better keep me in focus on my efforts & activities for the year? But aren't these suppose to help me better live out my life, with less & less regrets as the years go by? In that case, shouldn't resolutions also help build up towards a goal that may span a longer term and greater fulfillment in life? Sometimes, my vision gets myopic (not just from the long hours before the computer) as circumstances are ever-changing. So why bother? Better to take each day as it comes. Today's conversation reminded me of my life-long resolution which I made in my varsity days.

Back then, a question was thrown to us in one of our tutorials "What is the one thing you would like to be remembered for, before you die?" After some thoughts, my reply was "...to be remembered that I have made a difference in someone's life, that I have brought them closer to Christ..." was the answer within me. Since then, that has been the goal in my life, be it in my workplace, home or ministry. I can't say I have accomplish much in this area but it continues to be my lifetime effort. This goal still remain valid today. But looking at the greater scheme of things now, I then begin to wonder how will my 2009 resolutions bring about the accomplishment of my lifetime goal (THE resolution)? Perhaps, I will have to seriously consider re-classifying and deleting some of these 2009 resolutions. Or maybe, I have to re-look at how I could still bring others closer to Christ (make a difference in their lives) when I go about my 2009 resolutions (e.g. perhaps evangelize to a fellow student in my dance, photography class?)

The key is really to remain focus, determined as we head towards our long term goal (whatever you may be called to do). What is often visible, attainable before us need not necessarily be the most important end goal in life. And this short-sightedness might cost us THE regret of our lives.

"Brethren, I do not consider that I have made it my own; but one thing I do, forgetting what lies behind and straining forward to what lies ahead, I press on toward the goal for the prize of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus. Let those of us who are mature be thus minded; and if in anything you are otherwise minded, God will reveal that also to you. Only let us hold true to what we have attained. Brethren, join in imitating me, and mark those who so live as you have an example in us."

~ Philippians 3:13 - 17