Grain that dies (Jn 12: 20 - 33)

I do not know when & how it all started or evolved. But it often began with my name follow by "where I am studying, (field of study)" to "where I am working (my designation)". At least this was how I grew up introducing myself since my schooldays right up to the present day. How do you introduce yourself or your friend?

The late Father Basil Pennington in his book, "True Self/False Self" reminds us that our "false" self stems mainly from :
1) What I have
2) What I do
3) How others see me
Or rather, this is how we perceive or construct our identity to be. I found myself nodding my head in agreement when I read this.

Being an introvert, I grew up like all teens, desperately trying to find acceptance and belonging. In searching for this self-identity, I found myself conforming to social norms to dress fashionably - Buy the "latest trend". I recall buying my first $29 Hang Ten sweater at the age of 15. Who cares if the weather is 31ºC outside, the important issue here is "how others see me" based on "what I have". Of course, as one would have guessed, I outgrew the brands but not the false self. Soon, I was moving off to Levis, Guess, cK etc. Being in the marketing field, I should only know too well that brands portrays our self-concept, but never the reality. At the heart of it, I want to look good, to be someboday - preferably as hot as the models wearing the brands. But stripping these possessions away, I'm really no different from the person next door.

Today, as we inch nearer to Passion Week, I found myself asking this question : So, who am I (really)? The Gospel today (Mar 29), invites me to die to my false self - an identity founded on the 3 criteria listed above. The questions demands that I get in touch with my BE-ING, without the 3Ps - possessions, performances, and projections.

It amazes me when I reflected this :
If I were to be a bystander in Jesus's time, what would He have seen in me when He walked by? What did He see (in me) that still made Him carry on His journey down Jerusalem & finally to Calvary? There must be something within me that He's dying (excuse the pun) to show me..... Maybe I did not realise the famous brand that I'm wearing - the Jesus Brand.

"The unveiling of who we are can be hard for our contemporary culture to understand because there is the frequent assumption that we have the human right just to decide who we are. Identity is not to be discovered; it can be chosen. One chooses which identity one will have today. Identity is a lifestyle option and it is an infringement of my human rights for anyone not to accept that identity. But the smile of Jesus summons me to an identity that is not constructed but given. For my deepest being is indeed pure gift and in attaining it I discover joy.

~ What is the point of being a Christian? Fr. Timothy Radcliffe, OP