M&M (Mercy & Mission)

Every now and then, IF we pay CLOSE attention, we will realise how we have been embraced by the gracious and salient visit of God. At least this was what happened to me recently - a surprise reminder from a friend, and a badly needed silence from a retreat. Both experiences allowed me to identify with Sun's reading (Lk 18: 9 - 14) which falls on Mission Sunday in the Catholic Church.

Few months back, I got a surprise message from my friend, Grace, who asked me why I haven't been updating my blog? Usual excuses were given : been busy upgrading from free-lance to full time ministry, haven't got time to blog. But the real problem is this : the failure to go deeper in prayer and be aware of the ever presence (present) of our Lord, Himself. And hence, this blog like my soul, remain choked and overgrown with the thorns/bristles and cares of the world.


But the reminder did NOT stop. Over this weekend, I went for a retreat and was reminded on the precious gift of gratitude. During part of the retreat, I needed to step out to give a session on the New Testament to a particular ministry. Just the week before, this ministry had a talk on the Old Testament by Verbum Dei, a religious order whose mission was to proclaim the Word of God. All the members of that religious order has a bachelor in Sacred Theology and was more than qualified to give the talk. But me - who am I to proclaim His word, what insight can I offer? An overwhelming sense of unworthiness swept over me - why did I even say yes to this session? why did the Lord chose me, of all people? I prayed only to be reminded from the passage of 1 Cor 1:26 - 29

"Consider, brothers, how you were called; not many of you are wise by human standards, not many influential, not many from noble families. No, God chose those who by human standards are fools to shame the wise; he chose those who by human standards are weak to shame the strong, those who by human standards are common and contemptible -- indeed those who count for nothing -- to reduce to nothing all those that do count for something, so that no human being might feel boastful before God."

I can only identified with the tax collector in Sun's reading - "have mercy on me, Lord, a sinner" As I reflected on my experience in the retreat, it slowly melt away to a new sense of awe and humility at the graciousness of our Lord. The session was meant not for the ministry, but for me! It is not the qualified who is chosen but the chosen who is qualified by the Lord. No words can explain the "why me?"s, no efforts could "earn" this qualification. I can only accept this gracious gift of being forgiven and chosen by the Lord, like the tax collector.

And the acceptance of this gift has filled me with insurmontable gratitude, to which the only response can only be that of mission. Like the Psalmist who cannot remain silent, I can only share and proclaim the generosity and unconditional love of our Lord. I am thus grateful to be able to write again in this blog. To all those who have given me insight, reminders and support to this experience, I can only say : "Mer-ci" (thank you in french).

A precious story pictures a mother pleading with Napoleon to spare her condemned son's life. The emperor said the crime was dreadful; justice demanded his life. "Sir," sobbed the mother, "Not justice, but mercy." "He does not deserve mercy," was the answer. "But, sir, if he deserved it, it would not be mercy," said the mother. "Ah yes, how true," said Napoleon. "I will have mercy."

Come & See (Jn 1: 35 - 42)

“Come & See…” was the invitation made by our Lord to John’s disciples & us during this Sunday’s reading. But what exactly is He inviting us to see? A house? Probably an iconic, freehold condominium, overlooking some skyline in today’s context. Or perhaps, He’s inviting us not to a house, but His home. Not merely to visualize, but to take in all that one experience. In elsewhere in the Gospel, Jesus would often remind his listeners, “why do you look and not see?”

Throughout my life, I’ve been invited to numerous homes. Some were contained in gorgeous, well decorated houses but one that made a deep impression in my memory, turned out to be an exception. It was a caroling project with my first RCIY batch few years back. One of our elects, a 13yr old boy invited us to his place for caroling. As the host, it is often expected that food will be prepared for the team of carolers visiting your place. Though he did not come from a well-to-do family, yet he invited us to his place that year. I wondered if he understood the implication of that invitation – it would have cost his family a considerable amount of money & efforts! On that fateful day, we went to his 3-room flat to carol. Although it was a small place to fit 25 of us, but we enjoyed ourselves. Food, comprising of mee goreng with chicken wings were served. Honestly, the food was not enough to go round but we all understood the situation and knew the purpose of why we were there – to carol, evangelize.

But that day, I felt that I had received more than I had given. I will never forget the joy & cheerfulness of that boy. He always carried with him a positive outlook in class. Despite the situation they were in, the family had been generous with what they could offer. I felt that I did not enter into a small room but a BIG home that day. One filled with unlimited servings of love & hope. A family who did not forget to come together to give thanks to God during the Christmas, and to literally witness His message of hope and love to us. What was offered to me was not merely food, BUT an encounter of selfless human spirit.

Whenever I reflected on this passage, that encounter just seemed to come back. For the lack of description in the Gospel, I had to use my imagination. What did the 2 disciples encounter that day that made Andrew say, thereafter, : “We have found the Messiah?” It must be more than a building. Could they have experienced something similar to what I did? A poor but generous God who humbled Himself but not limited to serve out repeated, overflowing portions of mercy & compassion?

“Open your hearts to the love God instills in them. God loves you tenderly. What He gives you is not to be kept under lock and key, but to be shared…The more you save, the less you will be able to give. The less you have, the more you will know how to share…Let us ask God, when it comes time to ask Him for something, to help us to be generous.”

~ Mother Teresa

Free Upgrades

My colleague & I are fans of stand-up comedies & local musical. It happened that during one of these evening, we decided to catch a local comedy play. Not wanting to fork out too much money, we settled on 2x mid-range (2nd lowest) tickets. We went in early & settled down on our seats. Not long after, the ushers came by to our seats & told us to move to the front as the theatre is not full that evening. Wow! What a pleasant surprise for both of us! Things like this certainly do not happen often. After a hard day’s work, this is just what we need to end off the day – an unexpected sweet little treat!

This incident reminds me about the passage in Lk 14 v 7 – 11 (On choosing places at table). In that passage, Jesus advices us – to make our way to the lowest place and sit there. For everyone who raises himself up will be humbled, and the one who humbles himself will be raised up. I always thought of humility as just moving away from limelight, shrugging off any possible credit that may come my way. However, I’ve also heard people who said that not owning up to the credit that is due to us is but false humility. What we are really trying to do is to fuel the other party to hurl in more praises at us, to convince us (& perhaps others around us) that we truly deserve the praise & credit. That is what we want to hear (more) and so we pretend to fend off these praises, in the noble guise of humility. And indeed over the years, I sometimes (& still do) find it difficult to distinguish between true & false humility within myself.

The unexpected incident that night, threw some light for me to understand about humility. My friend & I have bought the lower priced tickets. We were prepared to forego the close-up look of the actors. Yup, we knew we will not be able to zoom in on the pimples in their faces. We were prepared to squirm our failing eyes the entire night. This is what we paid for & are prepared to go through. We knew where we were supposed to be seated – three rows from the back.

What resulted instead is totally (1) unexpected, (2) uncalled for & (3) undeserving. What strike me was that true humility is about knowing my place – where I stand & what I deserve. It is not about denying my talents & gifts, nor rejecting credit/praises (if they are truly due). And yet it is also a fine balance about rejecting them when they go beyond what is totally true or deserving for me. Each night before I fall asleep, I cannot help but to notice the many “free upgrades” that I encounter throughout the day. From the beauty of creation in the morning, to the kindness shown at work and finally to the extra love & care at home, they are all indeed unexpected, uncalled for & undeserving.

Humility is an attitude of honesty toward all reality. It is not self-depreciation, which is a neurotic tendency, but the truth. It is the conviction of being created out of nothing and of being gratuitously redeemed. Those are the two theological principles on which true humility, in the Christian sense, is based.

~ Heart of the World by Fr. Thomas Keating