Calling of Disciples (Mk 1: 14 - 20)

The upcoming Sun's Gospel reading (Jan 25) reminds me of how the Lord called his first disciples at the most unlikely places - at work! Work and God? No way! They are mutually exclusive. If anything, the closest association I can think of is : religion as a weekend (part-time) job. God suddenly appears when the weekend is here :
- when I have more time for myself.
(Suddenly, I can have time to care for others and be a loving disciple)
- when I go to serve in my weekly ministry at church, attending mass.

In short, I practise religion at my convenience. And so, God is also conveniently remembered. Yet at work, I often wonder how people look at me. Will they find traces of evidence that I am a Catholic? When I entered the work force, I recalled my lofty ambition to climb up the corporate ladder by "hook or by crook".

My friend, Kim (who had a few yrs of working experience) reminded me that as much as there are "politicians" in the workplace who backstab & slander, there are also angels around who are nice & helpful. The choice is mine to make. The corporate world is not just about survival of the fittest, it's also about a witnessing to the values of humanity, love & social justice. I was skeptical but still, her advice stayed at the back of my mind.

When I got my first job, I remembered this case of witnessing that stayed vividly with me. Our admin colleague sent out an angry mail one day about a photocopier machine that broke down. In her mail, she mentioned that the last person who used it, should have reported the incident to her so that she could get it rectified immediately. Instead, the delay has now brought much inconvenience to the department. If you are the culprit, what would you do?

Own up? That's what my colleague Stephanie did! She was a self professed Christian who witnessed to Christ in the workplace. During Christmas, she would give out lollipops with an evangelical message attached to them. She would also correct colleagues about why it should be Christmas and not Xmas = because Christ is the reason.

Though most people would prefer a clean & goodie image, she opted otherwise - to own up & apologise for her mistake. She was in a hurry then and was not able to inform anyone of the breakdown. Somehow, for me, the mistake make her more Christian than if she had remained silent to preserve her good Christian image. She stood for someone who's humble and humane. She showed me that making mistakes is not the end of the world. But walking away from your Christian responsibilities is really the downhill of your career - as a witness for God.

Thanks to her, I've not taken the "hook or by crook" corporate climb. Instead my motto in work : to try bring Christ (love) to others & vice versa. That's just what I want to be remembered for. Not a tyrant, sly director. Yes, I'm still far away from my Christian goal (and the director post as well!) and needs a lot of pruning.

In today's Gospel, we see how the disciples were "promoted" from fishermen to fishers of men. That's the promotion I hope to get in due time.

Nothing seems tiresome or painful when you are working for a Master who pays well; who rewards even a cup of cold water given for love of Him.

~ St. Dominic Savio

Come & See (Jn 1: 35 - 42)

“Come & See…” was the invitation made by our Lord to John’s disciples & us during this Sunday’s reading. But what exactly is He inviting us to see? A house? Probably an iconic, freehold condominium, overlooking some skyline in today’s context. Or perhaps, He’s inviting us not to a house, but His home. Not merely to visualize, but to take in all that one experience. In elsewhere in the Gospel, Jesus would often remind his listeners, “why do you look and not see?”

Throughout my life, I’ve been invited to numerous homes. Some were contained in gorgeous, well decorated houses but one that made a deep impression in my memory, turned out to be an exception. It was a caroling project with my first RCIY batch few years back. One of our elects, a 13yr old boy invited us to his place for caroling. As the host, it is often expected that food will be prepared for the team of carolers visiting your place. Though he did not come from a well-to-do family, yet he invited us to his place that year. I wondered if he understood the implication of that invitation – it would have cost his family a considerable amount of money & efforts! On that fateful day, we went to his 3-room flat to carol. Although it was a small place to fit 25 of us, but we enjoyed ourselves. Food, comprising of mee goreng with chicken wings were served. Honestly, the food was not enough to go round but we all understood the situation and knew the purpose of why we were there – to carol, evangelize.

But that day, I felt that I had received more than I had given. I will never forget the joy & cheerfulness of that boy. He always carried with him a positive outlook in class. Despite the situation they were in, the family had been generous with what they could offer. I felt that I did not enter into a small room but a BIG home that day. One filled with unlimited servings of love & hope. A family who did not forget to come together to give thanks to God during the Christmas, and to literally witness His message of hope and love to us. What was offered to me was not merely food, BUT an encounter of selfless human spirit.

Whenever I reflected on this passage, that encounter just seemed to come back. For the lack of description in the Gospel, I had to use my imagination. What did the 2 disciples encounter that day that made Andrew say, thereafter, : “We have found the Messiah?” It must be more than a building. Could they have experienced something similar to what I did? A poor but generous God who humbled Himself but not limited to serve out repeated, overflowing portions of mercy & compassion?

“Open your hearts to the love God instills in them. God loves you tenderly. What He gives you is not to be kept under lock and key, but to be shared…The more you save, the less you will be able to give. The less you have, the more you will know how to share…Let us ask God, when it comes time to ask Him for something, to help us to be generous.”

~ Mother Teresa

Baptism (Mk 1:7-11)

At some points in my life, I can't seem to escape the usual questioning on "who am I?" (what's my worth?) and "what is my purpose here on earth?" (what do I live for?) (read previous blog entry) And I highly suspect that they will continue to haunt me at a later stage in life. Can't seem to shake them off.

But what is most perculiar about this questioning process is not the repeated pattern that has surfaced but the timing of these questions. They seem to bug me everytime I enter into a different phase/situation in life. They happened when I :

a) was in secondary school AND JC, trying to find my sense of belonging,
b) was in army, trying to find meaning in the 2.5 yrs of "wasted" time,
c) graduated, trying to find the "right" job
d) was working, trying to make sense of my contribution & worth
e) was serving in church, wondering if I made a difference - for the better or worse?
f) had to undergo an operation, trying to understand what have I lived for in life?
And the list goes on.

Somehow, it is in periods like this, when uncertainty grips me, that affirmation and encouragement followed suit. They provided a clue to what I needed to do next.
When I took time to recall such moments, I saw them taking flesh in my

a) silent retreat in JC 2 (I found myself : it was my conversion point in life to know Christ again, after leaving church for 3 yrs)
b) year end retreat in JC 2 (I found a community : receiving affirmation from my catholic JC frens that helped me find back my self-esteem)
c) LISS experience when I was in the 1st yr of army (I found my faith : a build up, being touched by the Lord again)
d) weekend retreat with Doulos in my second yr in army (I was affirmed : an extra-ordinary encounter with the Holy Spirit)
d) my job offer with Sony (I found my priority & vallues : after I declined 2 prior job offers which compromise my values & time for ministry!)
e) the many affirmation notes/cards that I received in retreats & Christmas (I found my vocation in ministry : think I was doing something right then)

Penning this reflection, I can only be grateful to the Lord for the graces He has bestowed on me. Understanding the person that I am, provided an impetus for me to find my direction, esp. when I face uncertainty in a different phase in life. i.e. it is in finding the "who am I" that allows the "my purpose here on earth" to happen. This Sunday's reading is on the Baptism of our Lord (Jan 11, 2009). Looking at the life of our Lord Jesus, we find the baptism scene most pivotal to his subsequent temptation in the desert and 3 yrs of public ministry. This baptism scene is not meant only for the High, Almighty Son of God (Up There). But it is equally important & relevant for me today (NOW HERE). Have I been affirmed? Have I affirm someone else?

Baptism should not be viewed narrowly as a once in a lifetime ritual that is gotten over & done with. (Thankfully, we still have the renewal of baptismal promises each Easter Vigil). In a broader sense, everytime I receive an affirmation, it is really a reminder of my baptismal encounter. It is our Heavenly Father (through the mouthpiece of another) affirming us - not for what we do only, but for who WE ARE. "This is my Beloved with whom I am well pleased". The problem with me, when dealing with baptismal topic in RCIA/Y is that I like to quickly jump into the next part - the response of the elects. That translated to a long list of "Should Do/Behave" But for once, I need to get it right. I like to simply dwell & busk in His love & affirmation. Once I know who I am....the rest will take care of itself.


I (Sheila) learned the most about the meaning of affirmation from our friend, Dr. Conrad Baars, until his death, a Christian psychiatrist and author. Dr. Baars found the most common emotional hurt to be a lack of affirmation. By this he meant that many, perhaps even most, people in our culture have not had their goodness revealed to them by another who sees that goodness and loves them unconditionally. And Dr. Baars believed that we cannot become our true selves until we have been affirmed. We discover who we are only when we see our goodness reflected back to us in the eyes of another who loves us. Thus, in his book, Born Only Once, Dr. Baars writes that all of us have been born once - physically. But many of us have never had our second or "psychic birth," because no one has ever affirm us. "


~ Healing the 8 Stages of Life (Matthew Linn, Dennis Linn, Sheila Fabricant)

Epiphany - The Revelation of God

Time flies. It's yet another year to end the Christmas season with the culimination on the Feast of Epiphany. It is not only a big word to understand but coming to terms with it's full meaning & implication seems to take a miracle. And I'm not sure if I could ever do so in my lifetime. But 2 events that I encountered recently reminded me a little of it's meaning.

My friend, Kenneth came by to do some catching up few days back. Strangely, I always thought of him as a popular extrovert, only to be corrected that he's also quite an introvert who prefers time & space for personal reflection. I don't really know him well but was glad that this is a good start to know him. On another occasion, I caught up with another fren who used to date a lesbian. He joked that He wanted to be a Saviour to change her. But in the end, nothing worked out. Nonetheless, knowing him, I believe the real reason is 'cos he has noticed something beautiful within her. Somewhere along his daily encounter with her, he fell more for her. There must be something more about her that we don't know/see.

And I think Epiphany (The Revelation of God) is a little of both events. We need someone or something to show/tell us who God is first. How else will we know Him? And this is the reason for Christmas to culminate in Epiphany - the revelation of God, through the giving of His precious Son. Just like my friend, Kenneth who volunteered information on himself, Christ came to show us who God is, His nature & what He stood for. "To have seen me, is to have seen the Father" ~ Jn 14:9. Today, this revelation continues to come to us through the bible, the teachings of the church and not forgetting the wonderful people around us, who led by their examples. But theoretical knowledge is not enough. We are not merely reading the biography of a historical person. We need to look above & beyond what we see/know. That is what the word "contemplate" means. God is to be experienced. My second friend was able to look past the sexual orientation of the girl he liked (knowledge) to gain a deeper insight into her personality. That could only be brought about by an experience and revelation.

I often wondered what the 3 wise men saw at the stable that night when they found our baby Jesus. A simple vulnerable baby born in the most humble and forgotten place. Have they mistook the tree for the forest? What made them bow down & pay homage to this child as the King of the Jews? Reading Mt 2:11 tells us the story. It reveals only part, not the full nature of the person of Jesus. Only contemplation allows us the space & insight to look beyond what we were told to what is the truth. Only then, can we look with the eyes of the wise men that night to recognise vulnerability as power, humility as majesty, poverty as riches. And until and unless we come to terms with this, through a personal experience/conviction, can we then bring our best before Him (be it gold, frankincense or myrr).

"But they were given a warning in a dream not to go back to Herod, and returned to their own country by a different way." ~ Mt. 2: 12

May we, like the wise men, experience Christ and never go back to our old & sinful ways (Herod=culture of death). Rather, let us be constantly transformed and return back in a different way - renewed & life-giving.

New Year Resolution

I don't know if people have given up on resolutions. But there seems to be quite a no. of things I would like to do for 2009. Amongst them,
1) learning Bollywood Dance (yes...pls do not laugh)
2) learning photography
3) putting more efforts in my grooming & exercise
4) picking up keyboard & vocal classes (re-learning)
and the list goes on. Then, I went to check with my colleague on his resolutions but ended up being enlightened from a discussion with him.

He differentiated a "new experience" from a "must-do in life" when he define his resolutions. To him, a resolution should be a dream (amongst the many) that he would like to fulfil in his lifetime. Failing which, will leave him with regrets. A new experience, on the other hand, is an ad-hoc desire which he would like to do, if possible. But failing which, will not make him any bitter or less fulfilled in life. What I have just listed seem to fall into the latter definition.

What was interesting in hearing his insight is about how I often mistake a short term goal for a long term one. Why do I make resolution? Is it not to better keep me in focus on my efforts & activities for the year? But aren't these suppose to help me better live out my life, with less & less regrets as the years go by? In that case, shouldn't resolutions also help build up towards a goal that may span a longer term and greater fulfillment in life? Sometimes, my vision gets myopic (not just from the long hours before the computer) as circumstances are ever-changing. So why bother? Better to take each day as it comes. Today's conversation reminded me of my life-long resolution which I made in my varsity days.

Back then, a question was thrown to us in one of our tutorials "What is the one thing you would like to be remembered for, before you die?" After some thoughts, my reply was "...to be remembered that I have made a difference in someone's life, that I have brought them closer to Christ..." was the answer within me. Since then, that has been the goal in my life, be it in my workplace, home or ministry. I can't say I have accomplish much in this area but it continues to be my lifetime effort. This goal still remain valid today. But looking at the greater scheme of things now, I then begin to wonder how will my 2009 resolutions bring about the accomplishment of my lifetime goal (THE resolution)? Perhaps, I will have to seriously consider re-classifying and deleting some of these 2009 resolutions. Or maybe, I have to re-look at how I could still bring others closer to Christ (make a difference in their lives) when I go about my 2009 resolutions (e.g. perhaps evangelize to a fellow student in my dance, photography class?)

The key is really to remain focus, determined as we head towards our long term goal (whatever you may be called to do). What is often visible, attainable before us need not necessarily be the most important end goal in life. And this short-sightedness might cost us THE regret of our lives.

"Brethren, I do not consider that I have made it my own; but one thing I do, forgetting what lies behind and straining forward to what lies ahead, I press on toward the goal for the prize of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus. Let those of us who are mature be thus minded; and if in anything you are otherwise minded, God will reveal that also to you. Only let us hold true to what we have attained. Brethren, join in imitating me, and mark those who so live as you have an example in us."

~ Philippians 3:13 - 17