Trust & Relationship

It was brought to my attention recently about a member in a ministry who has been quite "touchy" towards his fellow younger members. This has upset many in that community and people have started to distance themselves from him. Around the same time, I also discovered another member in another ministry who has been cheating on his gf. He has been two-timing his gf, and even introducing both gals to the Catholic faith! All this came as a shock to me as I try to make sense of what was presented before me. They seem to be God-fearing, righteous people yesterday and today their hidden lives seem to bring about pain & confusion to those around them.

When is trust broken and how did it begin in the first place? I find myself pondering over this issue as I sat on the dentist chair tonight, waiting for the dreaded polishing and scaling of my teeth. It's funny how trust could be broken by people you seem to know for so long and yet it could also be easily earned by complete strangers. I realise how my r/ship with this dentist started - I took a leap of faith to trust in his expertise and experience has proven him to be a dedicated professional. On another level, I experienced disappointment among the people that I have trusted within the Catholic community. They seem to have deviated from a level of unspoken expectation & behaviour within a r/ship.

Perhaps my r/ship with God is sometimes like that. At times, it is smooth sailing with no questions asked and other times, I experience disappointment & the urge to distance myself from Him. I think trust can come in many levels. On one level, we can trust someone but yet not establish any r/ship (as in my case with the dentist). On the other hand, we can trust someone based on a r/ship, but with no complete understanding of the other party (as mentioned in the above example). Thus, let us not be happy when we say that we completely "trust" God. Perhaps, what we are really saying is that we trusted in His expertise and nothing has yet to go wrong in our lives. But is there a r/ship? On the same note, let us not be unduly panicky when we sense that our trust in God is broken. Perhaps, we are being challenged to a new level of our r/ship. What might be happening is that we are forced to confront our unspoken expectation in this r/ship. What is our expectation of God and how do we expect Him to act or behave? When something falls short, we can either choose to walk away from that r/ship or to re-evaluate our expectation and understanding. Only when that happens, can there be the start of healing, acceptance and a new level of r/ship.

In both earlier cases, the parties concerned would have to come to terms in accepting that this is the same righteous and fragile/imperfect child of God that they knew. Though they have 2 different sides to their nature, but they belong to the same coin. It is now our choice - to walk away with disappointment or to confront our expectation and to accept, & forgive them; to allow this painful experience be the start of a healing & reconcilatory dialogue and understanding. Maybe, it is not just their human nature, but also our understanding that has been imperfect and incomplete. Let not fear (of covering up) or the truth (of someone) cripple us. Perhaps then, this is the start of real trust. And the same applies in our human r/ship with one another & with God.

"I am afraid to tell you who I am,
because, if I tell you who I am,
You may not like who I am,
and it's all that I have."

~ John Powell (SJ), Why Am I Afraid To Tell You Who I Am?

Faith-Book

A fren once asked me why I go about profile-surfing on people in Facebook. And I thought to myself : Why not? Shouldn't this be the case?

An article on 13 Aug in Straits Times, shares how some youths surveyed felt that Facebook (touted to be the most popular social net-working site) did not help enhance their relationships. And the reason is not unfamiliar to most of us. It is easy to add a friend. But what happens next? How much of these "friends" do we really know or bother to find out? If not careful, Facebook could reduce to a number game. And when that happens, it can become a competitive game whereby we boast our popularity by the number of frens we have amassed. A chat with many friends revealed that many of them were not aware that I have a blog (even though my blog address was clearly stated on my facebook). On the same survey finding published by Straits Times, some have also commented that gossips/curiosity about their friends' dates, profiles, blogs has also become one of the reasons why they were addicted to Facebook.

So, I guess it's too early to comment if Facebook is indeed helpful in our "networking". It is about a choice of usage. It requires some occasional soul-searching. Inevitably, this led me to question my motive to join Facebook and to answer my fren's question. I was first invited to Facebook by a close friend, (read previous blog entry) who has passed away . Back then, I wasn't interested to join any of these on-line networking, as I think it was a waste of time. Well, that was not untill his untimely death in Dec. Since then, I often regreted. I have lost a friend and a part about him through the profile/pictures in his facebook. He could never click to accept my friendship in Facebook and be counted as one of my "inner circle". Ironically, becos of him, I decided to come online - to make a difference. Yes, to reach out and to treasure others (while I still can), whom I may otherwise not have the opportunity due to physical/time barrier. To thank God for the gift of friendship which I have often belittled & taken for granted. And thus perhaps becos of this, I find it important to get in touch with my friend's situation, to drop an occasional mail to those whom I have lost contact or are gradually losing contact. I must say that I have yet to get in touch with all 160 friends (as of today), but I am still working on it!

But much more than just knowing/re-connecting with someone, Facebook today has also extended to business networking, marketing for classes & investments etc. I too hope that Facebook and this blog can also serve another purpose. That I can use this to share my faith, and my struggles in life with others. That I can reach out to one more person - to let them know that they are not alone in their faith. Perhaps then, one day, this will not be just a Facebook but also a Faithbook. In this new age of technology, perhaps we can build online global Christian communities like how the early Christian community in Acts 2 started. Imagine the speed, possibilities & the new ways of evangelizing that has come about in this exciting new millennium!

"The person who has been evangelized goes on to evangelize others. It is unthinkable that a person should accept the Word and give themselves to the kingdom without becoming a person who bears witness to it and proclaims it in turn."

~ Pope Paul VI, on Evangelization in the Modern World (EN)

Review of WYD Experience

NEVER-ENDING

One of the scariest revelation that I discover when I completed my 30 week Ignatian retreat is that - the retreat never ends! Yup, that's what my SD said! A retreat, like any good session or pilgrimage allows us a temporary get-away to focus on our existing relationship with God. Thus, how can it ever end, since my relationship with God is an on-going one? With that, although the WYD has come to an official close, but I think it's really just the beginning of my journey. I left WYD enriched with :

1) Renewed Hope
On the first few days of WYD, I look around and saw some disinterested youths during some of the events. They were talking when mass is going on etc. I wonder if they should even be at WYD at all! I was quite disappointed at these youths - where's the hope for tomorrow? But few days later, when I thought that I was the only one who would be interested in some cathechetical sessions in the Youth Festival, I met 2 different groups of youths. Um...there are youths who are interested in our Catholic faith afterall! Who says they are not? They do bother to find out more about their faith. There is hope! Afterall, didn't God put His faith in the apostles who abandoned him originally? After 2000 yrs, isn't He still putting His trust in our church thus far? I too, have hope in our youths and future. I am certain they will receive the Power and make a difference in the Church tomorrow. This is God's church and God's mission!

2) Renewed Fervour
Though I was initially saddened by the disinterest & passiveness from some of the youths that I saw around me, but somehow it didn't cripple me. Instead, it became a motivator for me. The lack of appreciation for God somehow drove me to want to make Him more known & loved. I'm not sure how. If the others don't get it, perhaps the problem lies not with them but with me. Perhaps somewhere along the way, I have failed to explain it in a more simpler way. Or maybe, I have sterotyped God - expecting Him to reach out to the youth in a particular manner in a designated time. But when & how God comes into the lives of us is always a mystery. (I am but also a living example as I recount my own conversion story) And it is not my place to decide. I am called, like John the Baptist to pave the way. Indeed, "Christ must increase, and I must decrease". There are still many who have yet to know Christ but every drop in the ocean counts!

3) Renewed Inspiration
After all that is over, I left WYD with a vision - of making MAGIS available to our youths in Singapore. I sincerely believe it is a wonderful program that allows youths to encounter God in their day-day living and through their own interpretation. In the meantime, I need to pray about this and I hope to find enough people from my WYD/MAGIS group to make this happen. If not soon, I hope MAGIS will come to Singapore one day.

"As your Spirit calls to rise, We will answer and do Your will.
We will forever testify, of Your mercy and unfailing love.
Alleluia! Alleluia!
Receive the Power, from the Holy Spirit
Alleluia! Alleluia!
Receive the Power, to be a light unto the world"

~ Theme Song for World Youth Day, Sydney 2008

WYD Special - WYD (D+5) Reflection

STAND UP FOR YOUR FAITH

Honestly, i couldn't figure out why we must go through a vigil with the Pope to mark the closing of WYD. Is this really necessary? Braving the cold winter night outdoor, breathing the dust at the racecourse, crowding with many other thousands of pilgrims for a bed space, toilet facilities (yes, the list of complaints go on)....Though i may not necessary possess a satisfactory answer but the vigil has taught me a thing or two...

1) Faith is not a bed of roses
It is one thing to declare that Jesus is Alive in the comfort & warmth of my home and it's another thing to share this faith with many others when the going gets tough. Having to carry my own sleeping bag, mat & outdoor clothes, to travel a journey to the racecourse for the vigil is no laughing matter. No roses, only a bed of dust awaits. But the Gospel text reminded us that whoever wants to be a disciple of Christ must first learn to deny himself, take up the cross & follow Him. The final acid test is here : how far will I go for Jesus?

2) Faith is not a lonely journey
Faith is never about me & my sweet Jesus only. It is feeling solidarity with our brothers & sisters. Tonight, i finally got to experience what it means to be out in the cold & to feel hungry. Faith is about awareness that my bro/sis around me is in want/need. Reaching the Racecourse, I noticed how 2 frens were accompanying a handicapped fren to the vigil. They took turns throughout the night to ensure that their fren is kept warm. Wherever possible, they tried to help him out of his wheelchair, to stand up & feel the atmosphere - the spirit of the energy & the sure presence of our Lord. That to me, is faith. I'm not there just to receive, but also, what have i given (of myself)? That is, a more important question than "what's in it for me?"

3) Faith is about witnessing
"stand up and be counted" so they say. Perhaps not in the literal sense of every word. As we left Randwick after the night out, I notice a gal on her wheelchair. Ever wonder why these people go through the length for the vigil? It beats me. Our faith is only made possible cos of the many people who believed & died for their faith. It is handed down to us so that we too, might believe. I often complain & grumble & challenge the many things we do. But looking at this lady on a wheelchair reminded me to count my blessing and not take my faith for granted. It's time to "Rise Up" & witness to my faith!

Now faith is the assurance of things hoped for, the conviction of things not seen.
~ Hebrews 11 : 1

WYD Special - WYD (D+4) Reflection

Be Still And Know That I Am God!

Silence has many dimensions. It can be a regression and an escape, a loss of self, or it can be presence, awareness, unification, self-discovery. Negative silence blurs and confuses our identity, and we lapse into daydreams or diffuse anxieties. Positive silence pulls us together and makes us realize who we are, who we might be, and the distance between these two.

— Thomas Merton quoted in Thomas Merton: Essential Writings edited by Christine M. Bochen

Being aware of the 2 possible outcomes that silence bring, I find myself in a dilemma when we journey towards Randwick for our Vigil with the Pope. A small group of us has decided to take the shorter route, 3km walk to Randwick vs the proposed 19km walk. But I believe that the length of the journey is not as important as what we do during the journey - sharing our faith & encountering our Lord. Yes, I pray that this may be our Emmaus Walk. As such, I suggested that our group take short breaks for personal reflection, along the journey. Was it right of me to make this suggestion?

Indeed, I was humbled & enriched by what the Lord has revealed to me through our wonderful group. For our group, silence brought about :

1) Times of Refreshing. Away from the imperfect day to day living with our peers (bearing with their complaints & demands), some of us are once again reminded to love like our Lord Jesus and to examine our own failings. Suddenly, we began to see the logs in our eyes, rather than the specks in others. Indeed, the hardest part of my journey was to come to terms with my imperfections - impatience, selfishness, sarcasm & many more. The silence reminded us of our purpose (the source & goal) of this pilgrimage - to encounter our Good Lord. We are strengthened by the silence. Though no words are exchanged, but we are comforted by the Lord's presence as we pause for a moment for prayer in St. Peter's Church.

2) Moments of Gratitude. Away from the familiarity, some of us are reminded of the people whom we have often taken for granted - parents. Yes, we miss their smiles, and care. It is an irony that they only became closer to us when we are physically apart. I, too, need to show more appreciation when I return home. But for now, I also realise that I am travelling from home (physical) to another home-coming (spiritual). Although we were travelling together side by side, as representatvies of different countries, but as pilgrims, we were all heading towards the same destination - Randwick (and perhaps heaven some day). We need to claim & live out our identities as true sons & daughters of our loving Father and brothers & sisters to one another. Yes, we do not relate only by blood ties, but by our spiritual bonds, care & love for one another. So, let us be grateful for the people that God has sent into our lives (yes, even the "difficult ones"). The least we do unto our brethren, we do it unto the Lord.

3) The Hour of Truth - Silence opens the senses in our hearts to the world around us. One of our group members shared how he witnessed an old couple supported each other on their journey. Despite his old age, the old man was still lovingly supporting his wife with one hand, while he relied himself on a walking stick with the other hand. It wasn't stamina that brought him through, love did. Love allow us to see one another as gifts and not burdens. Our senses have also awaken us to the presence of God in the creation around us. Indeed, this silence has allowed us to see (& not look), and to listen (& not hear).

Silence is God's first language; everything else is a poor translation. In order to hear that language, we must learn to be still and to rest in God.

~ Thomas Keating quoted in The Sun & Moon Over Assisi by Gerard Thomas Straub

WYD Special - WYD (D+3) Reflection

Keeping Awake

This has got to be one of my worst day for the entire WYD experience. I'm beginning to feel the fatigue & soreness in my throat. Yup, a flu is definitely brewing up. I need to get some rest if I were to continue with my journey. It will only get worse tomorrow, esp with the overnight vigil at Randwick. It's going to be cold. And if I don't get enough rest today to build my immunity, I will definitely be down & out by tomorrow.

Thus, I decided to stay in today instead of joining my WYD group for the Stations of The Cross. After taking a 2hr nap in the afternoon, I went down to re-unite with them for an evening concert. That night, I learned that my group had a wonderful experience at the Stations, in St. Mary's Cathedral. They were able to pray with the Stations since they were well executed (with live actors re-enacting the whole scene). Most commented that they were touched by the acting, esp. the role of Jesus, who was stripped bare chested, facing the cold winter winds. In addition to that, my group also had the opportunity of coming upclose & personal with the Pope. He was only 30m away, when he came out to give the blessing to the pilgrims!

At this, my heart sank. I wished I was also present. If only, I hadn't given in to my temptation to sleep. *Sigh* Yes, I'm once again reminded of the scene in the Garden of Gethsamane. The Lord must have wanted to reveal/pass down his last words to the 3 close apostles whom he has taken with him. They often say that the words/actions of a dying man would be the most important thing that he wishes to communicate. Perhaps, the Lord too, has much to reveal to me through the Stations. But alas, I gave in to temptation. Yes, if I could, I would definitely give up anything to turn back the hands of time. I would have persevere (even if I had to risk running a fever) so that I could participate in the event. Perhaps this is how the 3 apostles must have felt too. Perhaps they too, have had a long day. They too, must have experienced disappointment, guilt and shame upon later introspection of their actions.

I've come across this passage many times. The first impression is to judge the 3 apostles as lazy, weak and that I can do a better job. But this experience has taught me to seek understanding first. Afterall, this is what I am really seeking when I try to give reasons/make excuses. What makes a regret bearable is the understanding of the other party. This is definitely a job that Jesus does best. He transforms regrets to determinations. Perhaps this is what gave courage to the good thief who dared ask for Paradise with Jesus.

"I look at Jesus. He looked at me and He understood." ~ The Good Thief

Create in me a clean heart, O God,and put a new and right spirit within me. Cast me not away from thy presence,and take not thy holy Spirit from me. Restore to me the joy of thy salvation,and uphold me with a willing spirit. Then I will teach transgressors thy ways,and sinners will return to thee.

~ Ps 51 : 10 - 13

WYD Special - WYD (D+2) Reflection

WHO DO YOU SAY I AM?

A recent internet poll on the WYD official website cited "meeting the Pope to be" the most popular reason amongst pilgrims going for the WYD. The truth be told, that seems to work for the majority, except me. : ( My main intention for this trip was to explore Sydney since I haven't been there. um...Pope, WYD was secondary.

Today, we arrive at Barangaroo to attend the opening prayer service with the Pope. As usual, our walk to the venue was filled with much energy, passion & joy! Pilgrims marching side by side, singing our hymns, raising our flags high. Prior to the opening mass, I still can't figure out why the fuss about meeting the Pope. But on reaching the site, I realised that our group actually got the prime space, near the stage! Wow...I find myself eagerly weaving into the crowd to get nearer to the stage. Strangely, I too, was hoping to get a good picture shot of the Pope & (maybe) even shake his hands! Yes, with all the on-site excitement from the crowds, the 60" projector screens highlighting the cruise of the Pope to our destination, I found myself succumbing to the atmosphere & sensation. Yes, crowds were screaming & slight jostling was experienced when we finally caught sight of the Pope on stage. I dare say that the reception for the Pope is definitely not beneath those accorded to top celebrities walking down the red carpet for their Oscar awards.

However, as the Pope was delivering his message to the audience, I could barely hear him. The sound system wasn't too clear and to make matters worse, the crowd was filled with chattering. Um...this seems like a fan club gathering! Isn't God's message more important than the vehicle who delivers it? This really kept me pondering if there's a need to purify our motive to attend the WYD. Shouldn't we be there to encounter God, rather than to meet the Pope? I wonder... Why are we hankering to get good shots of him and not to press our ears for a line/phrase that may touch/inspire our hearts? Is our Holy Father, the "vicar of Christ" that we proclaim or is he merely a celebrity that is framed in the pictures that we take?

But this reality reminds me of the familiar Gospel scene 2000yrs ago. Many crowds followed Jesus. They must have witnessed the numerous spectalcular healings, exorcisms which He carried out in His ministry. Even King Herod was a fan of Jesus. But when Jesus proclaimed Himself to be the ordinary Bread from heaven, many left. Many a times, Jesus must have experienced the popularity, the pressure from the crowd - to be made their King. But at the height of all this sensation, Jesus ask only 1 question : Who do you say I am? This is the same question I find myself asking during my last pilgrimage to Israel (@Caesarea Philipi) last year. Who is Jesus to me? It is a personal question that demands a personal answer.

Today's crowds do not differ from those 2000yrs ago if we lose sight of our focus on the message (instead of the vehicle), and the role that God wants to play in our lives. God did not come as someone sensational or who is a projection of our own imagination - a hero, a miracle healer, modern day Santa Claus (granting wishes), a scapegoat (someone to blame when things go wrong). He comes to us in the midst of life's montony, to journey with us. He encounters us in the person of our father/mother, friend, colleague, boss, subordinate, brother/sister, son/daughter, when we carry out our mudane responsibilities. And so, can I embrace the fact that He is not confined only to the high sensation that one gets in a powerfully charged retreat, or a healing miracle that we witnessed or the close friends that we have bonded in the WYD experience? But that Jesus is all things for me in the ordinary lives of the people I meet in my routine day-day living. A God, just like one of us. Someone ordinary, but who loves in such an extraordinary way.

There is nothing profane here below for those who have eyes to see. Everything is sacred. The entire creation, including every person, is a sacrament of God because within each and every thing, in some way, God is hidden.

~ Ilia Delio : The Humility of God (a Franciscan perspective)

WYD Special - WYD (D+1) Reflection

Purpose Driven Life

When the Purpose Driven Life book by Rick Warren was first out, it resulted in sell-out success across many Christian bookstores. And the most probable reason is 'cos this book prompts us to search & answer life's ultimate questions on "why am I here?", "what's the purpose of my life?". Regardless of age, these are classic questions which one raises from time to time.

I find myself pondering critically over this as I sat down for my dinner, after the Asian Night performance at Olympia, Sydney. I was hungry and only ate my dinner at 10pm after rushing from place to place for the Youth Festival (catechetical program), while everyone else has already taken their dinner. Why did I rush from place to place today? What have I gained in the end? Is it worth it? These thoughts ran through my mind as I chew my food grudgingly at Macs. I just had Macs two nights ago and was definitely hoping for a change of menu. But I had no such luck as most stores have already been closed since 7pm.

Just then, I noticed a long purse at the foot of the table, where I was eating. Has someone dropped it accidentally? Is this going to be my lucky day? Will I get an unexpected windfall from the wallet? I waited a while before realising that a fellow pilgrim (from another country), seated opposite me, has just left the seat. She returned and continued to chat with her friends. I waited for a few minutes before clarifying with her. She looked at the wallet on the floor and sighed a huge relief, before picking it up.

A thought suddenly flashed through : What if, my purpose for tonight, was merely to brighten another pilgrim's day by preventing the loss of her wallet? I took heart to know that I could have been chosen by God to make a difference in someone's else's life. Having lost some things in life, I can imagine how difficult & frustrating the whole process might be, esp. for someone who lose their personal belonging in a foreign land. Isaiah 43:3-4 reminds us of how God gave up nations & people in exchange for Israel (us). We are who & where we are today, as a result of the people whom God has sent into our lives to prepare us. Looking at my own conversion & faith journey, I know this is true. Reflecting on all that has happened, I can only be grateful for the turn of today's events. I would not have chosen to live it otherwise. Nothing beats being there for someone. Perhaps, I've been prepared for this day. And Perhaps, I've also planted a seed of faith today.

Soon, I found myself shifting the thought from "what/how can I gain" to "how can I serve You, Lord, better?" Though we often ask about life's ultimate questions, but perhaps, part of their answers are to be found from without (in the other party), and not just from within (ourselves). And the answer cannot be more simple than this : We are made in the image & likeness of God, whose DNA is none other than love. And love isn't love until it is given away (to the other party).

"The simplest way to describe God's poverty & humility is in terms of love. Love gives itself away - this is God's poverty. Love turns towards the other so it can give itself to the other - this is God's humility. In the Incarnation, God turns towards us through the Son/Word and gives (him)self to us as love.

~ Ilia Delio, The Humility of God : A Franciscan Perspective

WYD Special - WYD Reflection

COMM-UNITY

On the first day of our WYD, I was totally unprepared for the massive crowd that appeared before my eyes. While we were on our way to Bangagaroo for our opening mass, I could see numerous church groups that came together from all over the world. Each group of pilgrims was holding on proudly to their country's flag. It was so exciting & awesome! People move in herds, singing hymns, & shouting cheers. It showed me another face of the Catholic Church which I've not seen before - a church so full of joy & hope. A church that despite its diversity, could still come together to celebrate our commonality - the one universal, catholic & apostalic church. It almost seemed as if the church had just experienced a great Pentecost. So, who says that the Catholic Church is a sleeping giant?

Like many others, our S'pore group (51 of us) from the church of St. Ignatius was also excited & proud to be there. And during the journey to Bagangaroo, I learnt a few tricks on how to avoid losing one another :

1) travel in the same pace. That means sometimes, having to slow down/hasten our pace or even waiting for one another.
2) the need for accountability - that means keeping each other in the loop of your whereabouts (even if it means a few minutes of toilet visit) + your contactability.
3) Hold on to one another. At some point, we literally had to hold on to each other's hands/bags to avoid losing one another in the scuffle & jostle.
4) the need for a marker - in our case, it is none other than the flag bearer. We need to keep our eyes fixed on the flag so as not to lose our way. But even if we do, we can always come back with the help on the flag that is raised high above the crowds.

I guess, the same could be said of my faith journey in a community. I recalled leaving church at the age of 15 - 17 as a result of not following the above pointers. I'm grateful to be where I am in my faith today, as a result of my community (Doulos Adonai) that has nutured my faith. So,

1) thank you for slowing down when I tried to seek God with all my heart for the first time in my life. You have so generously shared & witnessed your faith to me. You have taught me what P&W is, the Word of God & the various church teaching.
2) thank you for being my prayer buddy, encouraging me in my faith walk and keeping me in check on my spiritual health.
3) for the times when I was down and wanted to leave the group, you have continued to support me through your friendship, prayers and love. I couldn't break free because you have held on so tightly to me.
4) thank you for being my role model in your own individual way. I couldn't have been more inspired to be a leader (in my own way) had you not led in your own examples.

Although waiting for each other seems to be a waste of time, but the need to travel TOGETHER cannot be overemphasized. I learn that the need for unity is sometimes more important than efficiency, that the process of traveling is more fulfilling than the destination. And that, to my understanding, is the life of a comm-unity.

"Only when we see ourselves in our true human context, as members of a race which is intended to be one organism and "one body," will we begin to understand the positive importance not only of the successes but of the failures and accidents in our lives. My successes are not my own. The way to them was prepared by others. The fruit of my labours is not my own : for I am preparing the way for the achievements of another. Nor are my failures my own. They may spring from the failure of another, but they are also compensated for by another's achievement. Therefore, the meaning of my life is not to be looked for merely the sum total of my achievements. It is seen only in the complete integration of my achievements and failures with the achievements and failures of my own generation, and society, and time. It is seen, above all, in my integration in the mystery of Christ.

~ Thomas Merton, No Man Is An Island

WYD Special - Pre WYD (D-1) Reflection

EVANGELIZATION

Today, I ventured into St. Andrew's Cathedral (Anglican Church), next to Queen Victoria Building. An elderly couple greeted me. After realizing that I was a Catholic, they tried to evanglize to me, quoting that faith is the key to justification and not good works. Yes, I cld see a little red sea parting in our conversation. But what striked me halfway through our conversation was her question : to what extent are you willing to give up your life for God, right now? If you were to meet Him now, do you think you are ready?

Wow....what morbid questions to start WYD! i definitely wanted to meet the Pope first, Jesus later....but somehow, these distrubing questions lingered within me. What am I prepared to give up for God? The couple was sharing with me on how their son gave up his high paying job to become a pastor and to migrate to Sydney. That was certainly a modern Abraham before me. What about me? um...the Lord is indeed inviting me to go deeper with Him in our relationship. Yes, will my response be like the rich young man in the Gospel? God certainly has a unique way to appear in the most unlikely place, at the most inappropriate time and via the "not exactly the type of people you like to meet" to bring about His evangelization. I was definitely looking for inspiration through the WYD event, not somewhere here.

Then just as I stepped into the busy corner of Queen Victoria Building, I witnessed another form of evangelization. This time, it is from my fellow pilgrims. As you can see from the video (see bottom of this entry), it's another subtle, friendly & cheery form of evangelization. Yes, I am suddenly aware that WYD is finally here. It has started. Will I be brave enough like them, to do such a street evangelization, esp. at the heart of the city? Will I be willing to make a fool out of myself, to spread the word of God? I was really touched by the sight before me. I often wonder, if St. Peter was to live in our present day, would he also choose this form of evangelization for his message in Acts Chap 2 : Courageously picking a busy junction, to proclaim the death & resurrection of our Lord, just as these people did.

The silly me, with my high & lofty aspirations to evangelize, has indeed been humbled by what I learn today :
1) Evangelization can take place anywhere, at any occasion, and with anyone (yes, even those you least expected)
2) I need to recall how I was first evangelized (recalling the last time I was evangelized/touched by someone's sharing/actions etc) and to take that as my inspiration
3) Yes, it takes more than courage but also THICK-SKIN! haha. Evangelization can come in various forms - via tense challenging questions, and sometimes, in light-hearted manner. Yes, maybe even in a dance/song! (um....maybe, just maybe, even through this blog)

But, it's always the same Lord we proclaim and the same Holy Spirit who gives the inspiration to invite/remind/challenge us to what we need to hear/think/do.

“Preach the gospel at all times; use words if necessary.”
~ St. Francis of Assisi

WYD Special - Pre WYD (D-2) Reflection

WAITING...

Upon a friend's recommendation, we arrive at Manly Beach today to partake in their famous fish n chips. As we stroll along the beach after lunch, I was fascinated by the beauty of the vast sea before me. I decided to take a short rest, before whipping my camera out for some pictures.

Any photographer will tell you that apart from skills, taking a good picture requires patience. One needs to wait for the "right moment" to capture the essence of the subject, be it the atmosphere, the mood or the expression. And the wait can be exasperating, anxious, hopeful or joyful for different people. So, it is for me. Coming from a fast-paced country where "efficiency" is the essential survival skill, I got exasperated in trying to get a good shot. I can't wait for some "redundant" people to move away from my lens so that they don't "spoil" my photos. And then I have to wait for the waves to come in quickly so that I can get a good shot of some dudes surfing on their boards.

But strangely enough, nature sometimes have their own course to run. And some things just cannot be hurried. And we can put this "waiting time" to good use. Before the next onslaught of waves rushed in, I saw these surfers peddling themselves further into the ocean. Once the waves come, they would steady themselves on their boards to ride the waves. The same could be said for me as I waited for the arrival of WYD. To encounter Christ through the event, I got to wait.

As part of our WYD prep, we have already been warned by veterans of past WYD participants, that THERE WILL BE lots of waiting. Waiting for transport, food, etc. But waiting need not necessarily be wasted. Like the surfers, there's something to be learnt, to be put to good use.

And so, what happened during the course of WYD was that while queeuing for toilets, I took this "wasted time" to know my fellow pilgrims - to exchange faith stories.

So, the next time I deemed waiting as a waste of time, I need to review this thought again. Perhaps, I'm missing out something here. 'Cos if nature has a "waiting time" built into its course, then perhaps, I too need to weave that into my life as well.

And before I know it, dawn has arrived. Yes, we have waited for this moment. It's once again, time for me to take out that camera for another shot. And Thank You Lord, for allowing me to wait for this moment to encounter You in this beautiful sunset.

"I wait for the LORD,
My soul waits,

And in his word I hope;
My soul waits for the LORD
More than watchmen for the morning,
More than watchmen for the morning.

O Israel, hope in the LORD!
For with the LORD there is steadfast love,
And with him is plenteous redemption.
And he will redeem Israel from all his iniquities."

~ Ps 130 : 5 - 8

WYD Special - Pre WYD (D-3) Reflection

SYDNEY!

Well, the moment I've been waiting for is finally here! After checking into YHA, we went to George Street to explore Sydney. As we roamed the streets, I came across some demonstrators. They were playing in a band to get people's attention. Some of them carried a long banner, while others solicited for petitions from bystanders to support their cause for human rights.

Their actions amused me initially. What are they trying to do? Do people really care about their cause? But on a more serious note, I wonder "why do they even do it?", "Does it make a difference?" With every 100 people who passed by, perhaps they were looking for that 1-2 people who would stop and make a stand - to support their cause for human rights. And that's all they needed - to make their cause known & to get people to pause amidst their busy-ness. To remind them that despite how small their efforts may be (by just penning down their signatures), it is, at least, a good start.

Looking at this sight, I can't help but wonder if this upcoming WYD could also make this difference. Despite the massive traffic problems that we pilgrims have brought to Sydney, it is my prayer that we could evangelise to the residents here. That even though the world around us continue to rush about their day, some 150,000 registered pilgrims from all over the world, has chosen to set aside a week in Sydney, to proclaim an important truth. I hope people could question our "why" rather than the "what" we are here. We have come to witness to our cause - that Jesus is Alive! We have come together, despite our diversity to share in this 1 common, catholic faith. Though I still do not know what role I play in this WYD, but I'm glad to be part of these 150,000 pilgrims. What & how do we make that difference? I dunno.

Towards the end of our WYD week, I met an Australian lady (from Melbourne) at St. Mary's Cathedral. She turned around & told me : Thanks to you pilgrims, our Prime Minister has made the announcement today, that we will have a dedicated ambassador to the Vatican City. (In the past, they have 1 ambassador that was shared between Ireland & Vatican). You have all made that difference. It is a start of a deepening relationship between
Australia & The Vatican.

I can't help but to thank God silently in my heart, that His seed of love, has indeed been sown in Sydney. We have indeed "Receive the Power" - to bear witness, starting from this end of the world (the southern hemisphere). It is definitely a start; the beginning of a journey.

"Who is Jesus to me?"
Jesus is the Word - to be spoken
Jesus is the Truth - to be told
Jesus is the Way - to be walked
Jesus is the Light - to be lit
Jesus is the Life - to be lived
~ Mother Teresa

WYD Special - Pre WYD (D-7) Reflection

WHAT IS A PILGRIMAGE?

I kept asking myself, as part of my preparation for World Youth Day in Sydney. So far, I've only attended 1 pilgrimage to Israel last yr. As I reflected back on my experience last yr, 1 particular incident striked me deeply.

On the 3rd day of our pilgrimage in Israel last Mar, our spiritual director noticed how our group was mixing in their cliques. Majority of the pilgrims were from the parish of IHM, with a few couples from other parish/country. Naturally, a few of them felt left out, esp. during meal times. Our SD shared this with us : Every time he comes to visit the place of Bethlehem, he recalls the birth of our Lord Jesus. When it was time for Mary to give birth, many inn-keepers rejected her & Joseph. They simply have no rooms left. Our Lord & Saviour came to dwell among us, only to be rejected. As a pilgrim group, we come now, united as a body of Christ. We are no longer divided by race, nationality or parish. We should learn to open our hearts to welcome others as how we would like to embrace Jesus during this pilgrimage. This strikes many of us as we heard him share the story.

So, what is a pilgrimage? Is it about a destination? Is traveling to Sydney considered a pilgrimage? As I search deeper, I come to this understanding : it is about a spiritual journey - an inward journey to the "inn of my heart". Ultimately, I need to make space to receive Jesus. And to do so, I need to recognise the vehicles that carry him. 2000yrs ago, he came via Mary & Joseph. Today, He comes in the presence of the fellow pilgrims that I will journey in Sydney. To prepare for my trip, I realized that there are many things I need to pack. Many things to squeeze into my bags. But as I packed the many thick piles of clothes into my backpack, I cannot help but to be mindful to keep some space within them. A space for the most essential things that I must bring along for this pilgrimage : love, embrace, and our Lord Jesus.

"My prayer for this pilgrimage is to be a more caring & loving friend & group leader. That the people around me will be my way of encountering Christ. They will be my catechesis. Should I fail in any way to be Christ-like, may they be Christ to me in their gracious mercy & love. May I find strength in their love. Amen."