The Meaning of Death

One of the proposed passages that I chose for Colin's funeral mass was the one in John's Gospel (Chap 12) : "unless a wheat grain falls on the ground and dies, it remains only a single grain; but if it dies, it yields a rich harvest." (hope he liked it!)

But the mind boggling question that arise from this line is : So, when does death start to give meaning?

a) is it measured by the turn-out at funeral wake/mass?

b) does it depend on our memories/encounters with the deceased?

c) or only when it becomes a reminder for us to treasure the loved ones around us?

But then again, haven't we already attended a few funerals in our lifetime? Where have they left us? Where & when have we changed? How have we been different since the last funeral wake/ mass? Oftentimes, we like to adopt the "spectators mentality" - questioning & lamenting. I think there's nothing wrong with that. It's part of the griefing process. But it stopped short of any futher involvement in our lives. The world continues to spin even if it seemed like it had stopped momentarily during the passing of our loved ones.

But i think death gives meaning when & unless it triggers a change in the way we continue to live our lives. A change that iluminates hope, meaning & inspiration. Preparing for Colin's funeral mass is by no means, an easy feat. The whole saga took me a full day & night's work. But I can't say that the prep has given any meaning to me (based on my above criteria). If anything, perhaps it helped me in my grieving process, knowing that i could be of help to his family (thereby reducing that guilt feeling). But Colin's gone. Nothing i could do could really have "helped him" in anyway.

But it's only upon further reflection abt the way he lived his life & what he stood for that gave me this hope, meaning & inspiration. During his lifetime, he lived life to the fullest, balancing between work, family & church. He gave his life to help the youths in church. There were many untold charity works that he did in his capacity as a lawyer (i only learnt abt it from the New Paper report!). i failed pale in comparison. How have i been a Christian at work? How could i have further encourage the youths in church? It is not so much for the sake of comparison, but rather, have i loved as Jesus has loved? That's what Colin lived & did.

Colin was a sociable friend who treated others with kindness, generosity & sincerity. His whole death, has inspired me to join facebook to keep in contact with others and to use this God-given technology to share my faith story. And hence this blog is born for this purpose. How is it going to work? i'm not too sure. But like Colin, i will take each step as it comes, and to give life to this blog - "to the fullest". In so many ways, i'm invited to continue living the life of Colin, always reaching out. Now, i understood what the disciples went through when the Lord was no longer with them. They must have relied on their past memories - of the happy times spent on fishing, feasting, travelling together. They must have reflected on what Jesus stood for, of His question, "Who do you say I am?". But most importantly, the disciples gave meaning to Christ's life & death when they become Christ to others in the world. In the words of St. Paul in Galatians - "it is no longer i who live, but Christ who lives in me." That's the change. That's when death gives meaning. And that is all that matters. The rest is His-story.

What about you? How has death given meaning to you?

"...once you learn how to die, you learn how to live...the things you spend so much time on - all this work you do - might not seem as important. You might have to make room for some more spiritual things."

~ Morrie in Tuesdays with Morrie.