Palm Sunday (Mk 14:1 - 15:47)

St. Paul says in Romans 7,
I do not understand my own behaviour; the good thing I want to do, I never do; the evil thing which I do not want -- that is what I do. So I find this rule: that for me, where I want to do nothing but good, evil is close at my side. In my inmost self I dearly love God's law, but I see that acting on my body there is a different law which battles against the law in my mind. So I am brought to be a prisoner of that law of sin which lives inside my body.

And I find this statement coming alive so very often in my life! Just the other day, I find myself rushing to catch a train for work. I was behind a guy who was tapping his eZy link card slowly.I let out a sign of impatience only to be greeted by him with "What's your problem?" Since I was in a rush, I didn't want to waste further time arguing with him. I hurried along to catch my train. Soon, I find myself in the train, fighting my dilemma if I shld take out my Christian book for a read. Somehow my action earlier did not quite match my identity as a Christian. I should have been more patient. If someone has witnessed what had happened earlier, what must they have thought of me, and of Christians?

There are many angles to look at today's Gospel (Apr 12). I choose to look at it from the perspective of choices. As I journey through life, it becomes clearer to me that I'm not 100% good or bad all the time. Most likely, I'm a mixture. Within me is a confused bystander who cheered Jesus on his triumphant entry and one who vehemently wants to crucify Him. I behave like Peter who swears to stay with Jesus no matter what happens and yet deny Him at the earliest opportunity to save my skin. How and when can I ever be steadfast to the Lord in my Christian journey?

Looking at the Holy Week event in the light of the Resurrection, reminds me that it was through many bitter denials that the apostles learnt to be steadfast to the Lord. This led to the ultimate sacrificial of their lives than the denial of their faith. There must have been many small "deaths" along the way to lead to this final martyrdom. Making a living in today's corporate world is a sure journey towards Jerusalem (figuratively). Today's Gospel invites me to decide on the choices I make. The consolation that I take with me is that I can start my training with the "small deaths" I make each day (e.g. being more patient with a nasty colleague etc) and even should I fall, I only need to pick myself up. I'm not 100% good or bad all the time. But with practice, I hope to inch towards the goal of 100% for Christ.

I have been crucified with Christ; it is no longer I who live, but Christ who lives in me; and the life I now live in the flesh I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me. ~ Gal 2:20

Christmas - Our Light of Hope

As I was taking my night flight back from Shanghai, I manage to peer through the window to take one last look at the skyline of the city. It's really beautiful. But it somehow reminded me that all this comes with a price. When I was serving my National Service in Tekong, I recalled how I often admired the numerous stars that I see in the sky. But I could only spot a few of them when I'm in mainland Singapore. Later, someone told me that our tall buildings with their night lights has lit up the sky so brightly that it made it difficult to spot any stars.

About 2000+ yrs ago, 3 wise men followed a star that led them to the child Saviour, tucked away in a manger. If this event is to happen today, will there be any star for them to follow? In a brightly lit world today, we get distracted with so many beautiful & colourful lights. Which is the true light to follow? Today, I see these lights represented as materialism, consumerism and secularism. I too, am guilty of getting distracted with the latest fashion wear, electronic gadget must-have. In this new age, many digital improvements have also demanded my attention. They range from sms, facebook, to msn & emails. All of which has left me with less & less time for myself, yet alone a proper discernment to decipher what's really important in life.

Living in Singapore all my life, I've only encountered a blackout about 2 times. It is during those times, when a simple lit candle could bring much comfort & hope to me. When all the bright lights have failed me, this simple candle light stay true by my side. A comfort to help me find my way in the darkness, a hope that everything will be restored to its original state. Yes, even in the familarity of my own house, I can get lost. Isn't this often the irony in life? We get so used to our daily routine, that we begin to accept the way things are. We stop questioning if there's a more Christian, Loving way to carry out our daily task.

The advent candles are a timely reminder to me for what they stand for. The first candle reminds me of what Christmas promises to bring - Hope, an alternative to what I have to put up with - darkness. The question is whether do I want to step out of this darkness? Just where bad news is the proven headline that brings publicity, can I be the one to herald good news? Can I be the one to make a difference in the lives of those around me?

In him was life, and the life was the light of men.
The light shines in the darkness, and the darkness has not overcome it.
~ John 1 : 4-5

Review of WYD Experience

NEVER-ENDING

One of the scariest revelation that I discover when I completed my 30 week Ignatian retreat is that - the retreat never ends! Yup, that's what my SD said! A retreat, like any good session or pilgrimage allows us a temporary get-away to focus on our existing relationship with God. Thus, how can it ever end, since my relationship with God is an on-going one? With that, although the WYD has come to an official close, but I think it's really just the beginning of my journey. I left WYD enriched with :

1) Renewed Hope
On the first few days of WYD, I look around and saw some disinterested youths during some of the events. They were talking when mass is going on etc. I wonder if they should even be at WYD at all! I was quite disappointed at these youths - where's the hope for tomorrow? But few days later, when I thought that I was the only one who would be interested in some cathechetical sessions in the Youth Festival, I met 2 different groups of youths. Um...there are youths who are interested in our Catholic faith afterall! Who says they are not? They do bother to find out more about their faith. There is hope! Afterall, didn't God put His faith in the apostles who abandoned him originally? After 2000 yrs, isn't He still putting His trust in our church thus far? I too, have hope in our youths and future. I am certain they will receive the Power and make a difference in the Church tomorrow. This is God's church and God's mission!

2) Renewed Fervour
Though I was initially saddened by the disinterest & passiveness from some of the youths that I saw around me, but somehow it didn't cripple me. Instead, it became a motivator for me. The lack of appreciation for God somehow drove me to want to make Him more known & loved. I'm not sure how. If the others don't get it, perhaps the problem lies not with them but with me. Perhaps somewhere along the way, I have failed to explain it in a more simpler way. Or maybe, I have sterotyped God - expecting Him to reach out to the youth in a particular manner in a designated time. But when & how God comes into the lives of us is always a mystery. (I am but also a living example as I recount my own conversion story) And it is not my place to decide. I am called, like John the Baptist to pave the way. Indeed, "Christ must increase, and I must decrease". There are still many who have yet to know Christ but every drop in the ocean counts!

3) Renewed Inspiration
After all that is over, I left WYD with a vision - of making MAGIS available to our youths in Singapore. I sincerely believe it is a wonderful program that allows youths to encounter God in their day-day living and through their own interpretation. In the meantime, I need to pray about this and I hope to find enough people from my WYD/MAGIS group to make this happen. If not soon, I hope MAGIS will come to Singapore one day.

"As your Spirit calls to rise, We will answer and do Your will.
We will forever testify, of Your mercy and unfailing love.
Alleluia! Alleluia!
Receive the Power, from the Holy Spirit
Alleluia! Alleluia!
Receive the Power, to be a light unto the world"

~ Theme Song for World Youth Day, Sydney 2008

The Meaning of Death

One of the proposed passages that I chose for Colin's funeral mass was the one in John's Gospel (Chap 12) : "unless a wheat grain falls on the ground and dies, it remains only a single grain; but if it dies, it yields a rich harvest." (hope he liked it!)

But the mind boggling question that arise from this line is : So, when does death start to give meaning?

a) is it measured by the turn-out at funeral wake/mass?

b) does it depend on our memories/encounters with the deceased?

c) or only when it becomes a reminder for us to treasure the loved ones around us?

But then again, haven't we already attended a few funerals in our lifetime? Where have they left us? Where & when have we changed? How have we been different since the last funeral wake/ mass? Oftentimes, we like to adopt the "spectators mentality" - questioning & lamenting. I think there's nothing wrong with that. It's part of the griefing process. But it stopped short of any futher involvement in our lives. The world continues to spin even if it seemed like it had stopped momentarily during the passing of our loved ones.

But i think death gives meaning when & unless it triggers a change in the way we continue to live our lives. A change that iluminates hope, meaning & inspiration. Preparing for Colin's funeral mass is by no means, an easy feat. The whole saga took me a full day & night's work. But I can't say that the prep has given any meaning to me (based on my above criteria). If anything, perhaps it helped me in my grieving process, knowing that i could be of help to his family (thereby reducing that guilt feeling). But Colin's gone. Nothing i could do could really have "helped him" in anyway.

But it's only upon further reflection abt the way he lived his life & what he stood for that gave me this hope, meaning & inspiration. During his lifetime, he lived life to the fullest, balancing between work, family & church. He gave his life to help the youths in church. There were many untold charity works that he did in his capacity as a lawyer (i only learnt abt it from the New Paper report!). i failed pale in comparison. How have i been a Christian at work? How could i have further encourage the youths in church? It is not so much for the sake of comparison, but rather, have i loved as Jesus has loved? That's what Colin lived & did.

Colin was a sociable friend who treated others with kindness, generosity & sincerity. His whole death, has inspired me to join facebook to keep in contact with others and to use this God-given technology to share my faith story. And hence this blog is born for this purpose. How is it going to work? i'm not too sure. But like Colin, i will take each step as it comes, and to give life to this blog - "to the fullest". In so many ways, i'm invited to continue living the life of Colin, always reaching out. Now, i understood what the disciples went through when the Lord was no longer with them. They must have relied on their past memories - of the happy times spent on fishing, feasting, travelling together. They must have reflected on what Jesus stood for, of His question, "Who do you say I am?". But most importantly, the disciples gave meaning to Christ's life & death when they become Christ to others in the world. In the words of St. Paul in Galatians - "it is no longer i who live, but Christ who lives in me." That's the change. That's when death gives meaning. And that is all that matters. The rest is His-story.

What about you? How has death given meaning to you?

"...once you learn how to die, you learn how to live...the things you spend so much time on - all this work you do - might not seem as important. You might have to make room for some more spiritual things."

~ Morrie in Tuesdays with Morrie.