Loneliness & Longing

Beware of young people who will walk up to you for a chat. They will pretend to practice their English with you and ask you out for a drink. The bill will then come up to an exorbitant amount, of which they will feign surprise. Yes...this is what the guidebook for Shanghai warned me. True enough, I had a few encounters of these in Shanghai during my recent business trip. They range from pimps, callgals to innocent youths, who attempted to chat, or rather con me.

What gave me away (my identity as a tourist) would probably be the occasional map reference & photo-taking. Whipping out my map and camera will definitely draw unwanted attention from con artistes. When alerted, their role is to confuse/con us. My recent experience reminded me that these "harassment" happened when they knew that I was alone. Perhaps this is the time when one is often forced to confront the harsh needs/emptiness within, and to search for that solution. Some people call these desires, "longing". They can be understood after a lifetime of reflection as something deeper within, which St. Augustine was most commonly quoted "our hearts are restless until they rest in Thee". Or, they can be mistaken "myopically" for the most convenient substitutes. It is not surprising that during these moments of struggles within, these "forbidden fruits" will suddenly present themselves attractively before you. They can come in many forms such as Internet Gaming, Clubbing, Drugs, Phone/Internet Chats/Surfing, TV/Movie Watching, Shopping and the list goes on. Loneliness and longing are neither good nor bad. But how do we confront them? Where do they leave us? Do we use them as excuses to find quick substitutes to numb the pain or do we see them as opportunities for private time in our personal introspection & development?

When these incessant harassments kept coming in a row, I really wished I was in the company of friends in Shanghai. The need to "lay low" and being on the constant look-out for these "predators" are simply nerve wrecking. Maybe the same can be said of my Christian journey - the importance of journeying together in a community. There's a need for us to rely on each other as companions, as "look-outs". During my journey to the various destination spots in Shanghai, my map & camera remain the most important tools. The map allowed me to orientate myself, keeping me in check. My camera allowed me to seize the moment in time, for future introspection & contemplation. Though these are the same tools that attracted the unwanted harassment but they are crucial in my journey. It would be silly of me to give up the fruits/joys to enjoy the scenic spots because of these slight distractions. I just need to remain firm & overcome them when they come along.

In my Christian living, I have come to terms that I can never eradicate loneliness and temptations along the journey. They present as opportunities to be in touch with a deeper longing within or short term desire for quick-fix solutions. The strive to my heavenly home will need my bible (map) and prayer (camera). But using these 2 tools often warrant the initial struggle to fight off distractions (be it internal or external). Many give up for fear of attracting/fighting off the distractions. But they remain essential if I were to get to my destination. Looking back at my journey thus far, I definitely couldn't have made it, had it not been for the company of friends who aided me to fight off the many "predators" and who provided a lamp unto my feet. So, let's not forget all these tools and experiences on our lives' journey.

Loneliness and longing take us beyond ourselves.
Thomas Aquinas once taught that we can attain something in one of two ways: through possession or through desire.
To quote Karl Rahner, only in the torment of the insufficiency of everything attainable do we know that we are more than the limits of our bodies, our present relationships, our jobs, our achievements and the concrete situations within which we live, work and die.

Loneliness and longing let us touch, through desire, God's ultimate design for us. In our longing, the mystics tell us, we intuit the kingdom of God. What that means is that in our desires we sense the deeper blueprint for things. And what is that?

Scripture tells us that the kingdom of God is not a matter of eating and drinking, of simple bodily pleasure, but a coming together in justice, peace and joy in the Holy Spirit. Ultimately, that is what we ache for in our loneliness and longing: consummation, oneness, intimacy, completeness, harmony, peace and justice.

~ Fr. Ronald Rolheiser

Firm Foundation

The world was thrown into disarray recently with news of repeated tainted milk cases coming from China. It is sad how profits could drive one to adulterate milk with melamine. According to Reuters (Beijing), this has resulted in an estimated 94,000 victims in China thus far. Similar cases were beginning to surface in other parts of the world. As if a conspiracy has been set, we were then struck by yet another setback on the global financial sector - the collapse of the century old Lehman Brothers. This has impacted employees, investors, creditors, and government worldwide. The sub-prime mortgage crisis is like a bubble waiting to be burst that has plagued the US financial sector.

What is significant about both tragedies are the impact that they have wrought and the efforts involved to cover up the harm done. These cases teach us a thing or two in life. It is a timely reminder about accountability and the need for a firm foundation. There is simply no short-cuts in life. There comes a day of eventual reckoning. We reap what we sow. The same can be said about those of us in ministry as well. We never know the impact we have on other people's lives. Thus it is frustrating when we encounter people who gloss over what they impart in faith knowledge, or having insufficent preparation for the liturgy (e.g. choir etc). When we stinge on our preparation, how then can we expect the church to grow with passion, wisdom & mission?

But the output is as important as the input. This is the same principle why some banks & milk companies collapse & others do not. In order to do our mission effectively, we need to address the fundamentals - for whom & why are we doing it? We need to get our foundation right. This is probably the reason why many people today get so frustrated & despondent about ministry work. Many people claim that they are doing it for God but left unchecked, the real motive could for self acceptance, recognition, power etc could creep in. Jesus needs to be the foundation upon which we build our mission.

Sometimes, our involvement with ministry started out with good intentions, but along the way, our self interest took control. The questions raised by most frustrated victims of the 2 recent cases were : "how on earth did the actions escape detection?". Somehow, a checklist/control measure was missing or that the corporate culture was so strong that employees (or those in the top management) were led to believe that they did the right thing, and no harm was done. Today, I wonder if I too, have fallen prey to this fallacy. Have I stop to check on my values & actions? Following the crowd may not always necessarily be the right thing to do.

For no good tree bears bad fruit, nor again does a bad tree bear good fruit;
For each tree is known by its own fruit.
For figs are not gathered from thorns,
Nor are grapes picked from a bramble bush.
The good man out of the good treasure of his heart produces good,
and the evil man out of his evil treasure produces evil;
for out of the abundance of the heart his mouth speaks.
"Why do you call me `Lord, Lord,' and not do what I tell you?
Every one who comes to me and hears my words and does them,
I will show you what he is like:
He is like a man building a house, who dug deep,
And laid the foundation upon rock;
And when a flood arose, the stream broke against that house,
And could not shake it,
Because it had been well built.
But he who hears and does not do them is like a man
Who built a house on the ground
Without a foundation; against which the stream broke,
And immediately it fell, and the ruin of that house was great."
~ Luke 6 : 43 - 49

Finding God in Work

I had a good catching up with a friend on Sun for lunch. And it was a timely reminder as we discussed about how we find God in our daily lives and especially so in the most challenging place - work. All the more so for me, who have just switched to a new job.

In my old workplace, I recalled how I would share my faith freely & to say my grace before meals in front of my colleagues. With this new environment, I have somehow stopped all these. Was it a momentarily amnesia as I adapted to my new environment, or was it cos I was ashamed in proclaiming what I believe? I must say the reminder could not be more appropriate. I should only be fearful if my behaviour contradicted to my belief. So yes, a new environment presented a new opportunity again - to share about my faith. I am determined to make God present in my workplace and not just kept in the shelf (church) on every Sunday.

Today I went to work, mindful of finding God in my workplace. As I was walking to my workplace, the radio from one of the cafes was playing the song "Miracle" from the Prince of Egypt movie. "There can be miracle, when you believe...", that's how the line of the chorus went with Mariah Carey singing it. Wow, what a way to start the day! During lunch, I was given the chance to say my grace before meals. It felt a little awkward at first, since my colleagues were mainly non-Christians. But nonetheless, I feel this faith means something to me. I ought to be proud to live it & testify to it. During the end of the day, I received a sms from a church friend who worked in the same area as I did. She informed me that there's a lunch time mass organized on every Tues near my workplace!

What more can I say? It's really not that difficult to find God. Yes, even in the most challenging place. I guess that's what they meant when it is said that we only need to make our first step towards God, and He'll take the rest of the 99 steps towards us. Although He may not necessarily come in the way/form we expect (thunder, dreams, miracles), but He is surely present if we only look (and not see) and listen (and not hear). All it takes, is a simple awareness (examen) and some pondering in our heart, to make meaning of what we experienced. There is no shortcut to this, but a disciplined routine practice, which many before us have come to learn - the art of finding God in our daily lives.

"When you call to me and come and pray to me, I shall listen to you.
When you search for me, you will find me;
When you search wholeheartedly for me, I shall let you find me"

~ Jeremiah 29 : 12 - 14