Trust & Relationship

It was brought to my attention recently about a member in a ministry who has been quite "touchy" towards his fellow younger members. This has upset many in that community and people have started to distance themselves from him. Around the same time, I also discovered another member in another ministry who has been cheating on his gf. He has been two-timing his gf, and even introducing both gals to the Catholic faith! All this came as a shock to me as I try to make sense of what was presented before me. They seem to be God-fearing, righteous people yesterday and today their hidden lives seem to bring about pain & confusion to those around them.

When is trust broken and how did it begin in the first place? I find myself pondering over this issue as I sat on the dentist chair tonight, waiting for the dreaded polishing and scaling of my teeth. It's funny how trust could be broken by people you seem to know for so long and yet it could also be easily earned by complete strangers. I realise how my r/ship with this dentist started - I took a leap of faith to trust in his expertise and experience has proven him to be a dedicated professional. On another level, I experienced disappointment among the people that I have trusted within the Catholic community. They seem to have deviated from a level of unspoken expectation & behaviour within a r/ship.

Perhaps my r/ship with God is sometimes like that. At times, it is smooth sailing with no questions asked and other times, I experience disappointment & the urge to distance myself from Him. I think trust can come in many levels. On one level, we can trust someone but yet not establish any r/ship (as in my case with the dentist). On the other hand, we can trust someone based on a r/ship, but with no complete understanding of the other party (as mentioned in the above example). Thus, let us not be happy when we say that we completely "trust" God. Perhaps, what we are really saying is that we trusted in His expertise and nothing has yet to go wrong in our lives. But is there a r/ship? On the same note, let us not be unduly panicky when we sense that our trust in God is broken. Perhaps, we are being challenged to a new level of our r/ship. What might be happening is that we are forced to confront our unspoken expectation in this r/ship. What is our expectation of God and how do we expect Him to act or behave? When something falls short, we can either choose to walk away from that r/ship or to re-evaluate our expectation and understanding. Only when that happens, can there be the start of healing, acceptance and a new level of r/ship.

In both earlier cases, the parties concerned would have to come to terms in accepting that this is the same righteous and fragile/imperfect child of God that they knew. Though they have 2 different sides to their nature, but they belong to the same coin. It is now our choice - to walk away with disappointment or to confront our expectation and to accept, & forgive them; to allow this painful experience be the start of a healing & reconcilatory dialogue and understanding. Maybe, it is not just their human nature, but also our understanding that has been imperfect and incomplete. Let not fear (of covering up) or the truth (of someone) cripple us. Perhaps then, this is the start of real trust. And the same applies in our human r/ship with one another & with God.

"I am afraid to tell you who I am,
because, if I tell you who I am,
You may not like who I am,
and it's all that I have."

~ John Powell (SJ), Why Am I Afraid To Tell You Who I Am?