Being or Doing?

Well, there's this saying that goes, we should always "walk the talk". And it's finally catchin up with me! Like Peter, I am finally put to the test - if I would indeed live out what I preached. It started with the question if I was prepared to face death and there I was - living out that very same question, 1 month later during my op.

In trying to make sense of my operation experience, I found myself answering the same questions again "why am I here?", "what's the purpose of this (extended) life?" (read previous blog entry) Days later, I find myself to be the listening ear for 2 friends. One was deciding whether to accept a new job and the other was facing family/personal issue that affected his ministry work. Strangely, I felt that they have given more meaning to my life than I have ever done for them. I often thought that I have come to terms that "my being" is more important than "my doing". i.e. being a child of God, the Father (who have immensely loved me), is of upmost value than having to do anything to merit His love. But it is in the face of death/life, that everything seems to crumble to reveal the real truth within - a very insecure child. Or perhaps, the work culture in this world has accustom me to, try in every possible way, to "value-add" to this world (yes, incl. of Christian mission). And I suspect that this "contribution to bottom line" will plague most people till the day they die. Knowing that one does make a difference to this world (in however small way that might be) is honestly consoling.

I believe only our heavenly Father really knows me inside-out. Seeing the little child that needs affirmation & encouragement, He has indeed surround me with people who allow me to reach out. In so doing, it has helped me to love, to appreciate myself and to reach out to God. Until the next time I face death, I still have some time to work out on my "being". To know that I can never do anything more/less to merit the love of God. This love has already been poured out unconditionally, since the beginning of eternity. And let's thank our loving Father for that. It is only in getting this foundation right, then can I proceed to "value-add" in the right attitude - serving generously & unconditionally. And it's ok if I can't do it all the time, since the P&L has already been determined - a bountiful surplus. This is certainly a company that we can be assured of lifetime employment with no retrenchment or dismissal.

"When a man falls in love, he seeks the sweet servitude of affection and devotion to another.
When a man falls in love with God, he immediately goes out in search of a neighbour."

~ Fulton Sheen, The World's First Love