Trust & Relationship

It was brought to my attention recently about a member in a ministry who has been quite "touchy" towards his fellow younger members. This has upset many in that community and people have started to distance themselves from him. Around the same time, I also discovered another member in another ministry who has been cheating on his gf. He has been two-timing his gf, and even introducing both gals to the Catholic faith! All this came as a shock to me as I try to make sense of what was presented before me. They seem to be God-fearing, righteous people yesterday and today their hidden lives seem to bring about pain & confusion to those around them.

When is trust broken and how did it begin in the first place? I find myself pondering over this issue as I sat on the dentist chair tonight, waiting for the dreaded polishing and scaling of my teeth. It's funny how trust could be broken by people you seem to know for so long and yet it could also be easily earned by complete strangers. I realise how my r/ship with this dentist started - I took a leap of faith to trust in his expertise and experience has proven him to be a dedicated professional. On another level, I experienced disappointment among the people that I have trusted within the Catholic community. They seem to have deviated from a level of unspoken expectation & behaviour within a r/ship.

Perhaps my r/ship with God is sometimes like that. At times, it is smooth sailing with no questions asked and other times, I experience disappointment & the urge to distance myself from Him. I think trust can come in many levels. On one level, we can trust someone but yet not establish any r/ship (as in my case with the dentist). On the other hand, we can trust someone based on a r/ship, but with no complete understanding of the other party (as mentioned in the above example). Thus, let us not be happy when we say that we completely "trust" God. Perhaps, what we are really saying is that we trusted in His expertise and nothing has yet to go wrong in our lives. But is there a r/ship? On the same note, let us not be unduly panicky when we sense that our trust in God is broken. Perhaps, we are being challenged to a new level of our r/ship. What might be happening is that we are forced to confront our unspoken expectation in this r/ship. What is our expectation of God and how do we expect Him to act or behave? When something falls short, we can either choose to walk away from that r/ship or to re-evaluate our expectation and understanding. Only when that happens, can there be the start of healing, acceptance and a new level of r/ship.

In both earlier cases, the parties concerned would have to come to terms in accepting that this is the same righteous and fragile/imperfect child of God that they knew. Though they have 2 different sides to their nature, but they belong to the same coin. It is now our choice - to walk away with disappointment or to confront our expectation and to accept, & forgive them; to allow this painful experience be the start of a healing & reconcilatory dialogue and understanding. Maybe, it is not just their human nature, but also our understanding that has been imperfect and incomplete. Let not fear (of covering up) or the truth (of someone) cripple us. Perhaps then, this is the start of real trust. And the same applies in our human r/ship with one another & with God.

"I am afraid to tell you who I am,
because, if I tell you who I am,
You may not like who I am,
and it's all that I have."

~ John Powell (SJ), Why Am I Afraid To Tell You Who I Am?

Faith-Book

A fren once asked me why I go about profile-surfing on people in Facebook. And I thought to myself : Why not? Shouldn't this be the case?

An article on 13 Aug in Straits Times, shares how some youths surveyed felt that Facebook (touted to be the most popular social net-working site) did not help enhance their relationships. And the reason is not unfamiliar to most of us. It is easy to add a friend. But what happens next? How much of these "friends" do we really know or bother to find out? If not careful, Facebook could reduce to a number game. And when that happens, it can become a competitive game whereby we boast our popularity by the number of frens we have amassed. A chat with many friends revealed that many of them were not aware that I have a blog (even though my blog address was clearly stated on my facebook). On the same survey finding published by Straits Times, some have also commented that gossips/curiosity about their friends' dates, profiles, blogs has also become one of the reasons why they were addicted to Facebook.

So, I guess it's too early to comment if Facebook is indeed helpful in our "networking". It is about a choice of usage. It requires some occasional soul-searching. Inevitably, this led me to question my motive to join Facebook and to answer my fren's question. I was first invited to Facebook by a close friend, (read previous blog entry) who has passed away . Back then, I wasn't interested to join any of these on-line networking, as I think it was a waste of time. Well, that was not untill his untimely death in Dec. Since then, I often regreted. I have lost a friend and a part about him through the profile/pictures in his facebook. He could never click to accept my friendship in Facebook and be counted as one of my "inner circle". Ironically, becos of him, I decided to come online - to make a difference. Yes, to reach out and to treasure others (while I still can), whom I may otherwise not have the opportunity due to physical/time barrier. To thank God for the gift of friendship which I have often belittled & taken for granted. And thus perhaps becos of this, I find it important to get in touch with my friend's situation, to drop an occasional mail to those whom I have lost contact or are gradually losing contact. I must say that I have yet to get in touch with all 160 friends (as of today), but I am still working on it!

But much more than just knowing/re-connecting with someone, Facebook today has also extended to business networking, marketing for classes & investments etc. I too hope that Facebook and this blog can also serve another purpose. That I can use this to share my faith, and my struggles in life with others. That I can reach out to one more person - to let them know that they are not alone in their faith. Perhaps then, one day, this will not be just a Facebook but also a Faithbook. In this new age of technology, perhaps we can build online global Christian communities like how the early Christian community in Acts 2 started. Imagine the speed, possibilities & the new ways of evangelizing that has come about in this exciting new millennium!

"The person who has been evangelized goes on to evangelize others. It is unthinkable that a person should accept the Word and give themselves to the kingdom without becoming a person who bears witness to it and proclaims it in turn."

~ Pope Paul VI, on Evangelization in the Modern World (EN)

Review of WYD Experience

NEVER-ENDING

One of the scariest revelation that I discover when I completed my 30 week Ignatian retreat is that - the retreat never ends! Yup, that's what my SD said! A retreat, like any good session or pilgrimage allows us a temporary get-away to focus on our existing relationship with God. Thus, how can it ever end, since my relationship with God is an on-going one? With that, although the WYD has come to an official close, but I think it's really just the beginning of my journey. I left WYD enriched with :

1) Renewed Hope
On the first few days of WYD, I look around and saw some disinterested youths during some of the events. They were talking when mass is going on etc. I wonder if they should even be at WYD at all! I was quite disappointed at these youths - where's the hope for tomorrow? But few days later, when I thought that I was the only one who would be interested in some cathechetical sessions in the Youth Festival, I met 2 different groups of youths. Um...there are youths who are interested in our Catholic faith afterall! Who says they are not? They do bother to find out more about their faith. There is hope! Afterall, didn't God put His faith in the apostles who abandoned him originally? After 2000 yrs, isn't He still putting His trust in our church thus far? I too, have hope in our youths and future. I am certain they will receive the Power and make a difference in the Church tomorrow. This is God's church and God's mission!

2) Renewed Fervour
Though I was initially saddened by the disinterest & passiveness from some of the youths that I saw around me, but somehow it didn't cripple me. Instead, it became a motivator for me. The lack of appreciation for God somehow drove me to want to make Him more known & loved. I'm not sure how. If the others don't get it, perhaps the problem lies not with them but with me. Perhaps somewhere along the way, I have failed to explain it in a more simpler way. Or maybe, I have sterotyped God - expecting Him to reach out to the youth in a particular manner in a designated time. But when & how God comes into the lives of us is always a mystery. (I am but also a living example as I recount my own conversion story) And it is not my place to decide. I am called, like John the Baptist to pave the way. Indeed, "Christ must increase, and I must decrease". There are still many who have yet to know Christ but every drop in the ocean counts!

3) Renewed Inspiration
After all that is over, I left WYD with a vision - of making MAGIS available to our youths in Singapore. I sincerely believe it is a wonderful program that allows youths to encounter God in their day-day living and through their own interpretation. In the meantime, I need to pray about this and I hope to find enough people from my WYD/MAGIS group to make this happen. If not soon, I hope MAGIS will come to Singapore one day.

"As your Spirit calls to rise, We will answer and do Your will.
We will forever testify, of Your mercy and unfailing love.
Alleluia! Alleluia!
Receive the Power, from the Holy Spirit
Alleluia! Alleluia!
Receive the Power, to be a light unto the world"

~ Theme Song for World Youth Day, Sydney 2008