Free Upgrades

My colleague & I are fans of stand-up comedies & local musical. It happened that during one of these evening, we decided to catch a local comedy play. Not wanting to fork out too much money, we settled on 2x mid-range (2nd lowest) tickets. We went in early & settled down on our seats. Not long after, the ushers came by to our seats & told us to move to the front as the theatre is not full that evening. Wow! What a pleasant surprise for both of us! Things like this certainly do not happen often. After a hard day’s work, this is just what we need to end off the day – an unexpected sweet little treat!

This incident reminds me about the passage in Lk 14 v 7 – 11 (On choosing places at table). In that passage, Jesus advices us – to make our way to the lowest place and sit there. For everyone who raises himself up will be humbled, and the one who humbles himself will be raised up. I always thought of humility as just moving away from limelight, shrugging off any possible credit that may come my way. However, I’ve also heard people who said that not owning up to the credit that is due to us is but false humility. What we are really trying to do is to fuel the other party to hurl in more praises at us, to convince us (& perhaps others around us) that we truly deserve the praise & credit. That is what we want to hear (more) and so we pretend to fend off these praises, in the noble guise of humility. And indeed over the years, I sometimes (& still do) find it difficult to distinguish between true & false humility within myself.

The unexpected incident that night, threw some light for me to understand about humility. My friend & I have bought the lower priced tickets. We were prepared to forego the close-up look of the actors. Yup, we knew we will not be able to zoom in on the pimples in their faces. We were prepared to squirm our failing eyes the entire night. This is what we paid for & are prepared to go through. We knew where we were supposed to be seated – three rows from the back.

What resulted instead is totally (1) unexpected, (2) uncalled for & (3) undeserving. What strike me was that true humility is about knowing my place – where I stand & what I deserve. It is not about denying my talents & gifts, nor rejecting credit/praises (if they are truly due). And yet it is also a fine balance about rejecting them when they go beyond what is totally true or deserving for me. Each night before I fall asleep, I cannot help but to notice the many “free upgrades” that I encounter throughout the day. From the beauty of creation in the morning, to the kindness shown at work and finally to the extra love & care at home, they are all indeed unexpected, uncalled for & undeserving.

Humility is an attitude of honesty toward all reality. It is not self-depreciation, which is a neurotic tendency, but the truth. It is the conviction of being created out of nothing and of being gratuitously redeemed. Those are the two theological principles on which true humility, in the Christian sense, is based.

~ Heart of the World by Fr. Thomas Keating